Losing It, Chapter 31
Oct. 3rd, 2008 03:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
darkdreamerTitle: Losing It
Betaed by:
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif){kind=small}
californiaquail Rating: R
Pairing: sort of House/Wilson, story is mostly focused on a twisted relationship between House and Wilson, though a non-sexual one; House/Cuddy friendship, House/Cameron friendship
Summary: After Amber's death, Wilson is having trouble moving on, he cant bring himself to forgive his former friend for the part he played in her loss. All he can think about is vengeance. House is willing to do anything to earn back Wilson's friendship, and this proves to be a recipe for disaster.
Warnings: abuse, violence, dark themes, mild language, *very* dark Wilson throughout
Chapter 31
Just for Tonight
Cuddy knew that she had to work the next morning. As it was, she wasn’t going to get enough sleep, and the day ahead would be a difficult one. She knew that the smart, responsible thing to do in this situation was to give House a firm but gentle no and make her way out of his apartment.
Which was, of course, impossible to do while looking into those huge, pleading blue eyes.
Her shoulders slumped slightly, her tone already carrying a note of resignation to her fate.
“House…”
“Yes, this is a house,” he replied. “A perfectly good, comfortable house, in which you should stay just a little while longer.” The teasing tone vanished, his voice softening to a low rumble as he persisted. “Please, Cuddy. I want you to stay with me… just for a little while…”
Suddenly, there was a suggestion, a promise in his tone that set off a warning in her mind – a warning that was almost drowned out by a sense of eager anticipation. Her heartbeat quickened, and Cuddy found that though she was sure she should, she couldn’t bring herself to look away from the honest intensity of House’s eyes.
Caught in the throes of indecision, Cuddy unconsciously bit the side of her lip, an uncertain frown creasing her brow. Her stomach lurched, not unpleasantly, as House’s gaze flickered from her eyes to her mouth, the ever-observant diagnostician not missing the telling gesture.
Or maybe… there was another reason why he was suddenly fixated on her mouth…
Cuddy was not surprised to find his mouth suddenly on hers, tentatively searching in a tender, thorough kiss. Still she froze, unsure how to react at first – before melting into the kiss, her hands sliding to his waist, drawing him closer as she responded to his advances.
Each instantly fell into the rhythm they had established so many years ago. The give and take they constantly fought to duplicate in every other area of their relationship came so easily to them here. Cuddy shifted closer to House, deepening the kiss, encouraged when he yielded to her efforts, falling back on the couch and pulling her down with him, on top of him.
Alarm bells suddenly sounded in Cuddy’s head when she realized the position she was in, and she opened her eyes, staring down at House in stunned dismay and horrified guilt. When he realized she had stopped kissing, he opened his eyes as well, just as she drew away completely, sitting up on the sofa, her arms crossed protectively over her chest.
“I’m sorry,” she said quickly, her voice low and embarrassed. “House, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking…kissing you, now, with… with everything…”
House slowly sat up, a little breathless, watching her closely with mingled frustration, disappointment, and suspicion in his eyes. “In case you didn’t notice,” he reminded her, his sharp, questioning eyes searching her face, “I kissed you.”
“I kissed back.” She ran a shaking hand through her hair, smoothing it back self-consciously, her eyes darting around the room, looking anywhere but at House.
“Yeah.” House nodded slowly, his words even and exaggeratedly patient. “And I liked it. You could even do it again, if you want.”
“No.” Cuddy shook her head, finally meeting his eyes, willing him to understand. “No, I really couldn’t. House… there are a dozen different ways in which it would be so incredibly wrong of me to do this, to… to take advantage of you like that…”
“Take advantage of me?” he echoed in disbelief. “I instigated…”
“You’re not yourself right now, House,” Cuddy insisted. “You’ve been drinking, and things lately have been so… so hard, and… I’m your boss, House. This is just… so inappropriate in so many ways…”
“Cuddy,” House persisted, edging across the couch, closer to her, “do you think any of that matters to me right now?” His voice was low, enticing and pleading at the same time. “You’re right. Things have been hard. But… you said… you were my friend. Right?”
Cuddy nodded slowly, cautiously, with an uncertain grimace. “I am.”
House returned her nod, holding her gaze. “Well, that’s who I need right now. Not Cuddy, my boss. Lisa… my friend. I can’t remember the last time I felt this… alone. I need you… Lisa.”
She stared at him, eyes wide and incredulous, barely daring to believe that he was serious – and yet, there was no mockery visible in his expression. It seemed so unusual for House to be so open, so vulnerable, with anyone… and yet, it was difficult to resist the earnest invitation in his eyes.
When he leaned in to kiss her again, she did not pull away… and within a moment, she was returning his kiss, her right hand raised to run through his hair, pulling him in closer, her mouth searching his. Her left hand came to rest at his waist, unconsciously working the hem of his shirt free from his jeans, and a moment later her other hand followed suit.
House broke the kiss for breath, his forehead leaning against hers as his hands moved to cover hers, guiding them. The feeling of his warm, rough hands on hers was so intimate, so overwhelming, that Cuddy’s misgivings faded completely into the background of her thoughts, and she felt herself on the verge of giving in completely to their mutual desires.
And she might have given in – had House not felt the need to open his mouth.
“Not taking advantage when I want to be taken advantage of, is it?” A triumphant grin touched his lips as he gasped out the words between breaths. “Go ahead.” He shrugged slightly. “Take advantage of me in my weakened state. Here I am… all… needy and vulnerable and intoxicated… and all yours…” He looked up at her, dark blue eyes sparkling with mingled mischief and desire. “I kinda like it.”
Cuddy was not amused.
Disgusted, horrified, she pushed him away from her, scrambling to her feet and straightening her blouse self-consciously. “House!” she yelped in frustration and dismay. “You think that’s… what? Sexy? It’s not! You think I want to take advantage of you? To… to use you?”
“Cuddy… what?” House held up both hands in a questioning gesture, seeming genuinely lost as to what he had said wrong.
“I don’t know what I was thinking,” Cuddy muttered, snatching up her purse from beside the couch, pacing quickly through the room in search of her cell phone, before spotting it on the coffee table. “This is wrong. I shouldn’t be here. And you…” She pointed an accusing finger in his direction as she crossed the room. “…you manipulated me! You made me think you needed a friend! Made me think you wanted…”
She stopped talking, closing her eyes, then relenting slightly with a sigh in front of the coffee table as she reached down for her phone. “…you’re not to blame, here. I should have known better than to…”
Her words broke off abruptly when House snatched up her cell phone before she could touch it, placing it behind his back with one hand as he caught her wrist with the other, holding her in place when she tried to jerk indignantly away from him.
“Cuddy, it was a joke! Cuddy… would you stop for a second and listen to me?”
Reluctant and sullen, she stopped, her arm tense in his grasp, ready to bolt at the next word if necessary. House was silent, patiently waiting for her attention, until at last she returned her furious, confused eyes to his.
“I was teasing. I didn’t mean…” House’s voice trailed off with a sigh, as he looked away and shook his head, before meeting her eyes again and making a slow, deliberate show of releasing her arm. “Please,” he said, his voice soft and serious. “Please… don’t go.”
When she didn’t make a move toward the door – yet – House’s shoulders relaxed slightly, and he looked away again, lips parted, searching for words. “I… I’m an ass, Cuddy, you know that. Even when I’m… not trying to be. I don’t think I know how to be anything else. But…”
He looked up at her again, and Cuddy felt her resolve melting at the imploring look in his eyes. “…I wasn’t manipulating you. I meant what I said. I do need a friend – need you – here with me tonight.”
Cuddy was quiet for a moment, her expression dubious as she held his gaze. “No more crap about me taking advantage of you.”
House shook his head in the slow, obedient fashion of a little boy, and Cuddy had to suppress a grin. “And no more making out on the couch like a couple of teenagers.”
“Of course not,” House agreed without hesitation. “I can make out a lot better than a teenager…”
“House…”
“Okay, okay,” House sighed, sounding disappointed.
Cuddy didn’t admit it, but she felt a little disappointed herself. Still, she knew it was for the best. House was not completely in control of his emotions at the moment, for various reasons.
If he still wants you later, when all this is over… that’d be a different story… but for now… you can’t let it happen… she told herself sternly. You have to be the responsible one tonight, for both of you…
And she was.
They sat close together on the couch, but House made no further attempts to kiss her, no attempt to initiate any more contact than her hand resting on top of his. Casual conversation punctuated the inane programming that seemed to be all that was on at nearly midnight.
About half an hour after the casual conversation died out, Cuddy found herself drifting in and out of sleep. At one point, she felt a light pressure on her shoulder, and turned sleepy eyes in House’s direction. An affectionate smile touched her lips when she realized that the pressure she felt was his head on her shoulder. She wrapped a gentle arm around his shoulders, easing him up a little as she tried to wake him.
“House,” she croaked out sleepily, shaking him slightly. “House… come on, you need to wake up and go to bed.”
He groaned an unintelligible protest, frowning as she pushed him back a little, and his head lost its comfortable pillow.
“Come on, get up,” she prodded, sitting forward on the couch and throwing his arm across her shoulders. “I’ll help you… come on, House…”
Unusually compliant, he allowed her to help him to his feet, and guide him, still mostly asleep, toward his bedroom. Cuddy noticed with some concern that his limp was quite pronounced, and he winced at the soreness from his various bruises and other injuries.
She pulled back the blankets on his bed, then helped him to lie down. She thought nothing of it as she took off his shoes and socks, then helped him out of his jeans. The doctor in her simply took over, looking at it as assisting a patient, rather than anything of a sexual nature. She managed to get his shirt off with some difficulty, and pulled his blanket up around his shoulders.
House, for his part, seemed barely aware of what was happening at all… until she moved to leave.
A weak, flailing hand shot out from beneath the covers, blindly searching until it found her hand.
“Stay,” he mumbled, without opening his eyes. “Don’t go… Just… stay here.”
Cuddy hesitated, glancing toward the door. House was almost asleep. It would probably be safe for her to go home. But he had seemed so anxious, so unwilling to be alone… An unpleasant image filled her mind, of House awakening in the middle of the night, to find that she had left him alone, with nothing for company but his own fears and memories.
With a defeated sigh, Cuddy squeezed his hand gently. “Okay,” she relented, though she wasn’t sure he was still awake to hear her. She carefully disentangled her hand from his, heading back toward the living room.
“Where’re you going?” House asked sleepily, raising his head and looking blearily up at her. The insecurity and apprehension she saw in his eyes only served to reinforce her decision.
“I’m just locking the door. I’ll be right back,” she assured him.
Satisfied that the door was securely locked for the night, Cuddy picked up House’s cane from beside the couch, and his pills from the coffee table, making sure both were within easy reach on his side of the bed before going around to the other side. She took a throw blanket from the back of the chair across from his bed, stopping at the side of the bed to kick her shoes off.
Careful not to disturb House’s injuries, she lay down on the bed, on top of the blankets, covering herself with the throw. House let out a muffled, whimpering sound, shifting backward slightly toward her, and Cuddy instinctively placed a soothing arm around him, nestling in close behind him.
“Shhh,” she murmured, closing her eyes, allowing her weary body to give in to the sleep that was overtaking her. “I’m right here... Go to sleep…”
He mumbled something contentedly before drifting off again, but Cuddy didn’t hear it.
She was already asleep.
*****************************
Across town, in a part of town where no one would have expected to find him, Wilson was far from sleep. He had spent the previous night in a reasonably nice hotel – but then, paranoia took hold, and he decided he needed to be in a place where he could pay with cash, and therefore not be traced.
Of course, that severely limited the quality of the rooms he could rent.
The room was dark, except for the glow of a neon sign outside his window, glowing red and green lights alternating in patterns against the wall. Wilson stared up at the ceiling, his mind lost in dark thoughts of vengeance, retribution for all he had lost.
As he silently planned his revenge, his mouth twisted into a cold, vicious smile, as his hands played slowly over the smooth, shiny surface of the item he had purchased that afternoon. His fingertips caressed it, becoming familiar with its contours as he allowed his mind to envision the ways in which he would use it, and how he would go about seeing that he had a chance to use it.
Gradually an idea took shape in his mind, and his worries began to fade away.
Finally, satisfied with his plan of action, Wilson set the gun aside on the night table, then settled down onto the sagging mattress, pulling the blankets up over himself and getting ready to sleep, a smile on his face.
Tomorrow was going to be a good day.
TBC...
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![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-10-03 09:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-03 10:23 pm (UTC)I love that you've gotten into House. It excites me to no end when my favorite writers in one fandom start writing in another. *sigh* Now if only you'd become obsessed with Logan Echolls and Derek Morgan lol.
Can't wait to see what happens next.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-03 10:26 pm (UTC)Love this chapter (being a big Huddy fan and all...)
Oh, the suspense! x
no subject
Date: 2008-10-03 11:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-03 11:24 pm (UTC)Wilson!
You are such an asshole!!!
I'm excited for the future angst-ridden chapter(s)!!!
no subject
Date: 2008-10-04 11:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-04 11:29 am (UTC)But I LOVE the Huddy <3
OK, I kinda love Wilson too...it's so good to hate him, and fear him!
Great job^^
no subject
Date: 2008-10-04 12:58 pm (UTC)All we can hope for now is that Wilson is going to maim himself trying to use the gun. And then go to jail, a place where pretty cripple guys don't really want to be. Right ?
no subject
Date: 2008-10-04 01:57 pm (UTC)And about Wilson, I don't know why, but when he caressed the gun, I kinda got an idea of him masturbating to it. ^_^' Maybe it was the smile.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-04 07:08 pm (UTC)I got anxious that Cuddy was going to leave when they stopped and she pulled away. Very nerve racking and so well done. I felt so sorry for House but then was so happy and relieved when she stayed.
Loved the part where she helps him to the bedroom and they undresses him. This turned me inside out "Cuddy noticed with some concern that his limp was quite pronounced, and he winced at the soreness from his various bruises and other injuries."
So happy she laid down with him. Very nicely done.
OMG, Wilson now has a gun! Love your stories. They are always full of surprises. :D
no subject
Date: 2008-10-04 08:26 pm (UTC)Cuddy staying is a very good thing for House, it's something he needs badly right now. His interpretation of why she stays shows that he doesn't see any value in himself except for what he can "do" for someone. He only sees that she must want something in order to spend time with him. It's a further indication of his basic attitude about himself.
Leaving House alone right now is just asking for trouble since Wilson is so determined to do something. I really hope that Cuddy realizes that and insists that House either stay at her place or that she leaves a guard in place until Wilson is stopped. Wilson continues to be so obsessed with hurting House that he can't see that if he manages to kill or hurt House permanently he will have done the thing that will also damage himself the most. Wilson will have nothing left of his life before that act. Right now if he can be stopped and then made to spend some time with the right psychiatrist he might be able to see what he has done but if not then his life is effectively over.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-04 09:11 pm (UTC)drat...now that im done reading ill have to go bacvk to my homework.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-06 01:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-06 05:53 am (UTC)Love both House and Cuddy in this chapter. Your Cuddy is both strong and in control and kind and gentle at the same time. Well done. And Poor House, he really is feeling very lost at this point.
Great update!
no subject
Date: 2008-10-07 02:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-08 08:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-08 08:11 pm (UTC)anyways, thanx so much for your kind words, the next chapter is up now, hope you like it as well :) *hugs*
no subject
Date: 2008-10-08 08:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-08 08:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-08 08:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-08 08:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-08 08:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-08 08:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-08 08:21 pm (UTC)and glad you enjoyed the huddy-ness... just like house to almost chase her away, perhaps on a subconscious level, deliberately :(
hope you like the next chapter, hon, i just posted it :) *hugs*
no subject
Date: 2008-10-08 08:23 pm (UTC)anyways, glad you liked the update... the next one is up now, hope you like it as well :) *hugs* DoS
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Date: 2008-10-08 08:24 pm (UTC)thanx so much for your kind words, hon, hope you enjoy the next chapter i just posted :) *hugs*
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Date: 2008-10-08 08:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-08 08:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-08 08:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-08 08:28 pm (UTC)