Losing It, Epilogue :)

[darkdreamer]

Well, it's been a long and wild ride, filled with twists and turns, and even a bit of controversy along the way ;) but my first House fic is finally finished!! :P (Go me for the alliteration :P hehe)

I wanted to say a huge thank you to everybody who's been following this fic, reading and offering your encouraging words. Your support has been much appreciated. I also want to thank those who have helped with beta reading this work over the last few months: zeppomarx , californiaquail , and most recently, misanthropicobs . Thanks so much for your help and support! :)

Looking forward to your thoughts on this epilogue, and on the story as a whole if you feel like sharing :P hehe

*hugs*
DoS

Title: Losing It
Betaed by: no one, this chapter :P
Rating: R
Pairing: sort of House/Wilson, story is mostly focused on a twisted relationship between House and Wilson, though a non-sexual one; House/Cuddy
Summary: After Amber's death, Wilson is having trouble moving on, he cant bring himself to forgive his former friend for the part he played in her loss. All he can think about is vengeance. House is willing to do anything to earn back Wilson's friendship, and this proves to be a recipe for disaster.
Warnings: abuse, violence, dark themes, mild language, *very* dark Wilson throughout

Epilogue

 

When House walked out of Wilson’s hospital room, he told himself that it didn’t matter whether or not his words had hit their mark. Wilson’s opinion of him no longer mattered. He had said what he needed to say, and how Wilson received it was of no consequence to him.

He kept telling himself that when Wilson called him from jail.

He was stunned when the operator informed him in a cool monotone that she had a call for him from “Jimmy Wilson”, and hesitated a few moments, uncertain – before reminding himself that he did not care anymore. Wilson was no longer a part of his life.

He refused the call.

He refused the next one, as well.

After all, he had no idea what Wilson’s motive might be for calling him. A part of him – the same part that still woke up in a cold sweat, biting back a scream, every other night or so – was certain that Wilson could only be calling to make further threats and accusations and harassments. Another part of him – the part that ached for the friendship that had been lost months ago – wondered if perhaps there was another motive for the calls.

Was it possible that Wilson was sorry for what he’d done, and wanted to try to make things right? It was highly unlikely, he knew; and even if that was the case – House wasn’t sure he was quite ready for that. If Wilson apologized, he really had no idea what he would say.

Still… a cold ache settled in his stomach, every time he declined another call from Wilson.

During the week and a half that passed between Wilson’s arrest, and his final arraignment, Cuddy spent nearly every night at House’s apartment – and the ones she didn’t, he spent at hers.

House wasn’t really sure what it was that was happening between them, or how long it could possibly last. He didn’t want to think about those things. All he knew was that right then, she was able to offer him something that he desperately needed, some nameless something that he couldn’t quite put his finger on – but he knew that he needed it.

So, as long as she was offering, he would accept it.

Painful experience had taught him against being reckless with his heart, and he tried his best to keep his walls up, not to allow himself to invest too much in their gradually deepening relationship. Still, despite his best efforts, every now and then he caught himself indulging a flash of unexpected soft emotion, when Cuddy would look at him in just a certain way, or speak to him with a certain subtle tenderness she couldn’t quite conceal.

After all – she was being cautious with her heart, too.

Both of them were stunned when the district attorney approached House and informed him that Wilson wished to enter a guilty plea, in a deal that would allow him to be admitted to an inpatient mental institution instead of prison, until he was deemed safe to be returned to society, in exchange for his accepting the full responsibility for the abuses he had committed against his friend.

House gave his approval of the arrangement, though he tried not to put too much stock in Wilson’s agreement to a guilty plea.

He’s just doing it to avoid jail, he told himself. It doesn’t mean he’s really sorry.

But on the day of the arraignment, there was no mistaking the quiet regret in Wilson’s soft, humble voice as he gave his plea, then cast a sorrowful, guilty glance in House’s direction. He couldn’t hold the gaze of his former friend – soft, dark eyes almost immediately averted – but House repressed the desire he felt to go to him, to talk to him before the court officers led him away.

He wasn’t quite ready to acknowledge Wilson’s guilt and regret – not yet.

But… someday… maybe…

He had more than enough to worry about, just trying to recover from the physical and emotional trauma of the abuses he’d endured.

But at least, for once, he was dealing with them.

I suppose I’ve actually got Wilson to thank for that. Never would have faced up to any of these things… never would have found the courage to do this at all… if it wasn’t for him…

The strangely ironic thought crossed House’s mind, four months after Wilson’s admission to the psychiatric facility, as he picked up the telephone and dialed his mother’s phone number. It was the first day of December, and he supposed it was a good time to call. After all, most normal people made their holiday plans well in advance.

“Hello?” There was clear surprise in his mother’s voice. “Greg?”

“Two questions,” he replied without greeting or hesitation, taking a deep breath before launching forward. He had a feeling these two questions would have a tremendous impact on his life in the days ahead.

“What time do you want me to show up on Christmas? And… can I bring a date?"

FIN
 

hit counter

Comments

[stlyn.livejournal.com]

YAY! And also, AWW!

This was so perfect, I absolutely love it. Great job, and congratulations on finishing your first House fic!

*hugs* Thanks for making my day again.

[californiaquail.livejournal.com]

Wilson is cuckoo for coco puffs now, eh?

[travln1.livejournal.com]

Wow, didn't realize this was your first Housefic. Kudos.

Fin...ugly word :)

[brynnamorgan.livejournal.com]

A great finish to a fic that inspired a new comm, brought forth a lot of dark, creepy fics by other authors, and created quite a stir in the House fandom. Seriously enjoyed it, start to finish.

Since I'm bipolar, I have my own take on Wilson. From my standpoint this read like a full-blown episode of what is termed as "mixed mania," a "mixed episode," or dysphoric mania. It's a weird mixture, with an angry, depressed individual flying high on mania, being reckless, paranoid, delusions of grandeur. I've been there and it's UGLY.

Adult Onset Bipolar Disorder usually involves mood changes that last for weeks and months at a time. Juvenile/Childhood Onset (my son's and my variety) usually involves rapid-cycling. Wilson would definitely fall within the former.

I've always felt that the manic phase of manic-depression is the most dangerous of the two, since mania makes the sufferer so reckless that they don't stop and really think about the consequences of their actions.

Grant you, Wilson would almost be too old for his *first* episode, but who's to say that it's his first, or that he hadn't been slowly going downhill for years? Left untreated, bipolar disorder is progressive, resulting in lesions and loss of gray matter in key memory areas. He could have started off as cyclothymic and worked his way down. One of the aspects of hypomania and mania is sexual recklessness, sleeping around, etc., which would shed some more light on Wilson's reputed cheating.

He was too organized in his thinking to be schizophrenic, as schizophrenia reduces functioning all the way around.

Okay, I'm done with diagnosing Wilson. *g*

Once again, good work, hon! HUGS!

[swirlsofblue.livejournal.com]

A wonderful ending to a wonderful fic. :)

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

thanx so much, hon, glad you enjoyed :) *Hugs*

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

hmmm... very interesting concepts to remember if i do at some point do a sequel, and *need* an actual diagnosis for wilson... which is a distinct possibility :) *Hugs* thanx so much, love, so glad you liked this story :)

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

hehe... yep, my first try :P glad you liked it, hon :) *Hugs*

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

hehe... yeaaaaah, but at least now he's recognizing that what he did was wrong, actually making an effort :P glad you liked the story, hon, thanx so much :) *Hugs*

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

thanx so much, hon :) *Hugs* glad you liked it :)

[chaoskir.livejournal.com]

I enjoyed the whole fic very much. You are really a great author. I always said thank you but well I can't help myself I don't want that this is the end. Okay, Thank you for the epilog. But where is the beginning of the sequel??? I think you just has forget to post it. So, that's not that bad. You can do it now, right? Tse, tse, That I've to remind you, *shakeshead*

[menolly-au.livejournal.com]

Sad for House that he has basically lost his friend but good that he has taken the opportunity to re-evaluate his life and make some changes. Thanks for such an interesting story, a very enjoyable read.

Wow

[rozola.livejournal.com]

Wow, this fic was great. Good on Hous efor not giving in

I gotta admit, I felt sorry for Wilson. He'd completely lost control and knew he couldn't get out of it. That was sad, I thought ... But beautiful too. You really have a gift for writing.

I'm so glad it ended the way it did. The fangirly side of me wanted Wilson to madly apologize to House and become friends again, but I've read so many fanfics where that happens and it always leaves me unsatisfied. So I'm glad Wilson's now getting help and staying faaar away from House... at least until he gets better.

And do I hear a possible sequel in future? That would be fantastic!

[bonomania.livejournal.com]

:D The ultimate perfect ending!
So glad House didn't just end up forgiving Wilson in the end - although it was reassuring (and it made me smile) that there was some sign that Wilson regretted what he'd done and he'd actually realised what a bastard he'd been...

Just want to take the time to comment on the entire story. IT WAS GRIPPING!
I didn't miss a single installment. I bet you're proud of it, cos you ought to be! Sad it's finished though? I know I am.

Still, I've still got 'Used' to read :D

Thanks for entertaining me for several months x

[lhoma320.livejournal.com]

Ohhh! I so loved this ending! I wasn't sure at first because I guess I can't go over thinking Wilson and House aren't friends anymore but it made so much sense for him. If I try to put myself in House's shoes, Lord, I would have done the same.

Plus, I love that he's with Cuddy and what a great touch for him to be spending the holidays with his family and her. I love that you did that. :D

Great story! You did an awesome job with this. :D

[madwriter223.livejournal.com]

I liked that House refused Wilson's calls, but still agreed for the change of his sentence. The hope is palpatable.
And the phone call at the end. XDD
I congrat on finishing this awesomeness.

[2cbetter2.livejournal.com]

Wow I didn't think it was possible to get through to Wilson yet everything that's happened and possibly House's speech got through to him it seems. I am glad House didn't accept his calls from jail though or talk to him when he saw him in court. It was way too soon for any of that if you ask me.

And I love the ending - the thought of House spending Christmas with his family and Cuddy. I hope their relationship continues to grow.

I have one question though: Did Wilson lose his medical lincense or will he still be able to practice medicine once he leaves the psychiatric hospital? If so for some reason I can't imagine him returning to PPTH.

Great story - I enjoyed it from start to finish and I'm going to miss it too!

[srsly-yes.livejournal.com]

It was generous of House to go with the guilty plea/inpatient mental facility.

Excellent and fitting ending to a wonderful fic. I'm going to miss the periodic updates.

[romeo46.livejournal.com]

Sequel Sequel Sequel

Okay, enough obnoxiousness. I really liked this. House gets Cuddy Wilson gets help. Hopefully there will be more or maybe another writer will pick up and run with the story *shifty eyes*

[myene-01.livejournal.com]

good ending. I like that House dosn't forgive Wilson right away, more realistic. I would like to see a 5 or 10 years int he futire one-shot of this universe, jsut to see how the Huddy goes and what happens to Wilson (I imagane he wouldn't be able to pratice anymore, but maybe some sort of teaching?)

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

more than welcome to add to it if you want :P if i do it later, it might be different, but you're more than welcome to write what you think might happen next :P *hugs*

[sganzy-fics.livejournal.com]

Great end! It was sad...in a good way. I was still hoping Wilson's excuses and a reconciliation of some sort, but I think this end is just right because it lets an opening for House/Wilson's friendship in a realistic way. I've really loved this story and I'll totally miss it! (even if I still have like ten chapter to translate).
I'm hoping for Used's sequel...and maybe a new fic? :-)
Congratulations!

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

hehehe... yeah, i'll hopefully get to a sequel at some point... and yeah, i've actually started my first ever slash fic :P hehe... i'm about four chapters in to a dom/sub house/wilson fic :P and i've got tons of ideas :P

thanx so much, hon, so glad you've enjoyed this story :)

*hugs*
DoS

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

yeah, i'm planning on adding to the story at some point, telling what happened to wilson and about his and house's eventual reconciliation, house's relationship with cuddy and with his parents, etc...

thanx so much, hon, i'm so glad you enjoyed this update :)

*hugs*
DoS

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

yeah, i agree it was generous, but i really can't imagine house being otherwise with wilson, even now... i think he'd hate the idea of wilson's going to prison so much, he'd agree to this to protect him... and the way i left it, i hope it seems as if there's a chance for reconciliation later on down the road, even now...

thanx, love :) *hugs*