Dark Redux 2.2 -- Autopsy

[darkdreamer]

Title: Dark Redux
Episode: 2.2 -- Autopsy
Beta: andi88
Disclaimer: House, Wilson, and all other characters/ideas taken from the show are not my own, and I'm making no profit from the writing of this fiction -- just for fun, I promise. :P (Some dialogue this chapter taken directly from the episode.)
Pairing: House/Wilson
Rating: PG-13
Author's Note: In this particular 'verse, I've changed one thing about the canon timeline. At the beginning of the story, when House and Wilson first get together, Wilson is already recently divorced from Julie.
Story Warnings: slash, dark Wilson -- specific warnings for each chapter as necessary
Chapter Warnings: none
Story Summary: A darker version of how canon might have gone, if House and Wilson had entered into a relationship from the start -- and if that relationship took a gradually dark, disturbing turn.
Chapter Summary: House crosses a line... and so does Wilson.

 

“House. Need you.”

Ordinarily House would have been pleased to run into Wilson in the clinic lobby, welcoming the distraction his company provided from the typical boredom that filled his clinic hours. Today, however, he knew that Wilson’s words would only serve to divert him from his intended route: straight home and into his bed.

“Uh-uh. Forget it. I’m going home.”

“Your hay fever getting worse?”

Wilson’s tone was sympathetic as he fell into step with House, accompanying him toward the door. Made more irritable than usual by the fact that he felt like crap, House bristled at the soft, gentle tone of Wilson’s voice, as if he was a small child that needed soothing.

“Boy, you must be a doctor and everything,” he snapped, rolling his eyes.

“Two minutes, House. Please.”

“No, the purple thingy on the file means that ‘whoever’ is one of yours, which means cancer, which means no way is it two minutes,” House stated, stopping and facing Wilson, a single brow raised in challenge, daring Wilson to argue with his observations.

“Fine, I’m lying,” Wilson sighed. “Thirty minutes.”

“This morning you told me I should stay home and not even bother coming in…”

“But you did come in,” Wilson pointed out. “And now I need you.”

“I can’t even think, Wilson.” House heard the petulant, whining tone of his own voice, but couldn’t find the energy to care. “I need to go home and sleep for a few hours…”

However, despite his words, when Wilson launched into a description of his young patients symptoms, House’s mind and interest seemed to conspire against him to prove him wrong. He immediately recognized the mystery in Andie’s case, and found himself tempted to solve it, no matter how miserable he felt.

And then, of course… there was Wilson.

Those pleading, chocolate brown eyes locked onto his, and House found his resolve crumbling under the double assault.

He sighed at last in resignation, snatching the chart from Wilson’s hand and opening it as he turned and headed back toward the elevators. Wilson gratefully hurried to keep pace with him, darting into the elevator just before it closed. As soon as the doors shut, Wilson sidled nearer to House, slipping his arms around his waist, a warm, affectionate smile on his lips.

“Thank you,” he murmured, leaning in to reward House with a tender kiss.

House drew away after a few moments, rolling his eyes and suppressing his own slightly giddy smile with an effort.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. I hope you know you owe me now.”

“Don’t worry,” Wilson assured him softly, punctuating his words with another kiss before reaching past House to press the emergency stop button, drawing back to meet House’s surprised gaze with a wicked smirk. “I promise… I’ll make it worth your while…”

******************************

The brief euphoria of Wilson’s attentions in the elevator didn’t last long.

House soon found himself racing against time to try to save the life of a patient that he knew he ultimately could not save. The best he could do for the dying girl was to grant her another year or so, which would no doubt be fraught with pain and fear and turmoil as she waged a losing war against her own body.

And as if that alone was not depressing enough, House found himself increasingly bothered by the automatic attitude of near-reverence that Andie seemed to inspire in any member of the hospital staff who ventured near her. It was as if she had somehow achieved the status of sainthood, through sheer virtue of nothing but the unluckiness that had caused her to develop her disease.

Just because someone happens to get a raw deal and go through more hell on earth than any human being should ever have to does not necessarily make him – or her – a hero. Becoming jaded and numb to the pain and not letting anyone see your fear and vulnerability isn’t brave at all. It’s the most deceitful form of cowardice…

… of all people… I should know…

His mood had definitely shifted in the past few hours, certainly aided in its downward spiral by the knowledge that his young patient was in fact going to die, and there was nothing he could do to save her. However, House kept the darkest of his thoughts to himself as he caught up with Wilson to give him Andie’s test results.

Regardless of the circumstances, or his opinion of Wilson’s opinion of the girl, the imminent death of a nine-year-old child was always a heavy, sobering thought. However, House resisted his own emotions, refusing to fall into line with the love affair the entire hospital seemed to have fallen into with Andie.

He kept his tone cool and unconcerned as he explained to Wilson that they had not found a clot in Andie’s brain, but he was still certain one was there, and performing exploratory surgery on her brain was not a legitimate option.

Wilson put the rest of the tragic puzzle together on his own.

“She’s going to die.”

Although the depth of sorrow in Wilson’s voice was perfectly understandable, House just took it as further evidence of the self-delusion that seemed to have overtaken the whole hospital – and therefore found it intensely irritating.

“Well, the clot’s not going to go away quietly,” House replied with a deliberately careless shrug for Wilson’s benefit. “It could blow at any time.” He paused a moment, secretly relishing Wilson’s stunned, disgusted glance. “Are you going to let them know?”

Wilson sighed, looking away, his eyes troubled and downcast. “I guess so.”

House found himself suddenly overwhelmingly frustrated with Wilson’s total preoccupation with the dying girl. Driven by the same perverse inner force that motivated so many of his inappropriate comments on a daily basis, he spoke in a quiet tone of deceptive innocence.

“Can I come with?”

Wilson paused as they turned the corner into a quieter, less populated area of the hallway, a puzzled frown on his face as he gave House a speculative look.

“To tell Andie she’s going to die? That’s very un-you.”

House held Wilson’s gaze unflinchingly, a note of subtle defiance in his quiet voice when he explained.

“Well, she’s such a brave girl. I want to see how brave she is when you tell her she’s going to die.”

Wilson’s eyes widened slightly in horror – before narrowing in such disgust that House felt his stomach clench, and suddenly found himself wondering if he’d actually gone too far this time.

A moment later, he got his answer.

The lightning quick, backhand blow of Wilson’s fist across his face caught House completely off guard. Bright sparks of light obscured his vision as his cheek exploded in pain, and he stumbled backward against the wall, his cane falling from his hand with a soft thud against the carpet.

House struggled to regain his footing, his hands grappling against the wall for balance. He was vaguely aware as the roar faded from his ears that Wilson was advancing on him, furious; and his heart pounded with fear when Wilson paused long enough to retrieve House’s cane from the floor before closing the rest of the distance between them.

House instinctively flinched as Wilson’s free hand shot out to grip his throat, slamming him back against the wall with dizzying force. His other hand, white-knuckled and trembling, held the cane up in House’s face, and for a moment, House was certain that Wilson was going to use it to strike him again. He struggled for breath against Wilson’s restraining grip, shock and panic preventing him from actually resisting for a few moments.

And then, all at once, Wilson released him.

House slumped against the wall, one hand clasping his bruised throat, as he allowed himself to slide downward until he was sitting on the floor, staring up at Wilson through fearful, bewildered eyes. Wilson glared down at him, his gaze cold and impassive, House’s cane still clenched in one taut fist. He opened his mouth as if to speak… then shut it again. When at last he spoke, his quietly furious words chilled House’s blood and left him feeling alone and utterly bereft.

“You… disgust me. I can’t stand to look at you.” He looked down at the cane in his hands, his lip curling in revulsion as he opened his fist and allowed it to drop to the ground, a few feet away from where House sat, before returning his gaze to House’s eyes. “Stay away from Andie,” he ordered with a note of menace to his voice, hesitating before adding, “And stay away from me.”

***************************

After Wilson disappeared down the hallway toward Andie’s room, House just sat there in stunned silence for a few minutes. Some part of his mind was vaguely, gratefully aware that no one had been in the hallway to witness the scene; and no one happened by while he sat there, trying to come to terms with what had just happened.

It hardly felt real.

Wilson wouldn’t… wouldn’t ever… but… what I said… can I really blame him? Anyone would have hit me for saying a thing like that.

House finally reached out to grasp his cane, struggling to his feet on trembling limbs.

It was my fault… not his…

By the time he reached his office, his cheek was sporting a dark and deepening purple bruise. His team – especially Cameron – seemed instantly concerned, their clamoring questions begging explanation for the bruise, and his shaken, unsteady demeanor.

House answered quietly that he had merely said the wrong thing to the wrong person at the wrong time.

“Isn’t that like… a daily occurrence for you?”

Foreman voiced what all three of them had to be thinking – and unwittingly reinforced House’s idea that the entire thing was without a doubt his fault. He spoke cruel, biting words all the time, and this was not the first time that someone had struck out at him physically in response to those words.

It was the first time that the one striking out had been his boyfriend.

But… if we weren’t together… his reaction would probably have been the same. Should I be exempt, just because we’re a couple now?

House was far more greatly concerned with the way that Wilson had walked away from him – as if so thoroughly repulsed by his remark as to want nothing more to do with him, at all.

But… for how long?

House didn’t dare venture near enough to Wilson to ask.

There was only one option from that point on, he decided – one way to make it up to Wilson – and that was to find a way to save Andie’s life. He pushed his fears about his relationship with Wilson, his desires to go to his lover and try to work things out, to the back of his mind, and focused instead on finding a way to remove the clot that was stealing what little remaining time the child had.

And, as usual – he succeeded.

When the procedure was complete, and they knew that Andie was going to live – at least a little while longer – exhausted and overwhelmed and scared out of his mind, House finally made his way toward Wilson’s office. It was late, but the soft glow of the desk lamp was still visible through the blinds on Wilson’s windows.

House wasn’t sure whether to feel dread or relief.

He knocked softly, tentatively, on the closed door, and waited. Wilson’s quiet, distracted, “Come in,” made it clear to House that he hadn’t looked through the blinds to see who was knocking. House swallowed hard, his mouth suddenly feeling like sandpaper, as he pushed the door slowly open and ventured inside. Wilson looked up from his work – and his eyes narrowed, his mouth tightening in irritation, before he returned his gaze to his desk without a word.

“You were right… what you said.” House spoke at last, his voice unusually small and hesitant. He was quiet for a moment before adding, “I… I’m sorry.”

Wilson remained stonily silent for a long moment, and House felt his stomach drop with the fear that he might actually be rejecting his apology not just for the moment, but for good. Just when he had almost decided to turn and go, however, Wilson’s shoulders slumped slightly, and he rested his head in his hands for a moment with a shaky, frustrated sigh.

“You should be, House,” he replied, but his voice sounded more weary than angry. He looked up at last to meet House’s eyes, shaking his head slowly as he continued, “What you said was… so out of line. There just… are no words for how… how cruel and insensitive and… and...” Wilson’s voice trailed off, and he lowered his head again, allowing his hands to fall to his desk.

“I know,” House readily agreed, relieved that Wilson was at least speaking to him. “I was wrong to say those things. I know that you… you care about her. You care about everyone.” There was affection mingled with the soft amusement in those words. “And… I should have just kept my opinions to myself, for once. I’m sorry.”

He was quiet a moment longer, while Wilson made one last attempt at remaining firm and impassive. Finally, House’s quiet voice, breaking over a single unfamiliar word, seemed to break down Wilson’s hard, unyielding demeanor.

“Please…”

Wilson rose to his feet, moving slowly around his desk until he stood in front of House, a bare foot of space separating them. He frowned as he took a closer look at House’s bruised cheek, raising a tentative, gentle hand to carefully brush over its surface, regret visible in his dark chocolate gaze.

“House,” he murmured, a weary sorrow in his voice, “why do you make me do things like this?”

House self-consciously lowered his gaze, swallowing hard as his face flushed with shame. “I… I’m sorry,” he repeated, his voice hushed and thick with emotion.

“I’m sorry, too, House,” Wilson whispered, edging in closer, his hand sliding around to cup the back of House’s head and hold him near. “I really am. I didn’t want to hurt you. You just… those things you said…” He shook his head again, visibly at a loss. “You just made me so… so furious that I… I couldn’t help it...”

“I know.”

House quietly accepted Wilson’s explanation, which was a nearly perfect echo of the explanation he had composed himself for his lover’s actions. House was a man who was constantly on the edge of enraging just about every single person in his life. His mouth tended to get him in trouble, to enflame people’s tempers – and every once in a while, he managed to push someone just a little too far.

This was simply one of those times.

But he’s forgiving me… House realized with an immense sense of relief as Wilson pulled his head down and into a slow, tender kiss. He’s not angry with me anymore, and he’s not going to leave me. Anyone would have done what he did, considering what I said. I can’t blame him for striking out. I brought this on myself.

House surrendered to Wilson’s advances, willingly losing himself and his fears in Wilson’s affection, allowing the pain of the earlier blow to be blissfully erased by the gentle touch of Wilson’s hands as they roamed with expert precision over his eager, longing body. House deliberately banished his misgivings to some dark corner of his mind, insisting that the incident in the hall earlier that day was nothing that mattered anymore.

It’s over… he wouldn’t have hit me if not for my stupid mouth… I’ll just learn to watch my mouth, and try not to say anything that stupid again... and it will never happen again…

Comments

[menolly-au.livejournal.com]

...oh I think it just might happen again House. Its interesting in the series that he seems to just accept getting hit by patients (and even getting shot) and nobody around him makes a fuss of it on his behalf either. So it seems quite in character that he would rationalise that it was no big deal from Wilson either and he brought it on himself...

[chaoskir.livejournal.com]

Poor House, really poor House. Thanks a lot for the exciting new update and for your really sick Wilson.

[lorib12.livejournal.com]

Great update, I have been following this since you started and commented a couple of times over at fanfiction.net. I think of the three you have going right now, this is my favorite with Moonlight just behind it. You portray an abusive relationship in a very realistic way, the way House is rationalizing. Are you planning on following canon with the kiss and Stacy and House sleeping together? I think Wilson may just kill him for that. I REALLY can't wait for the next update of this. Great Job!!

[scolastik.livejournal.com]

This came on top of a bad day but I think even without the bad day I would have felt like for House.
I'm just so sad for him, feeling like he deserves it, nobody should ever be in the position to think he deserves domestic violence ...

You're doing such a good job with characters' psychology. I was trying to find which author it reminds me of and I finally remembered... it made me think of two Emile Zola's novels I read a few years ago, I don't know why it's just a feeling I have, while reading. (and don't worry it's supposed to be a compliment, I love his novels #___#)

[bertie-tiger.livejournal.com]

Wow! When House apologized (which he had to reason to) he should of told Wilson that he was out of line too... that fact that he didn't really does make me want to scopp him up and cuddle him.

And also, I really like your twisted Wilson ^^

Good job!

[fourleggedfish.livejournal.com]

oh! *is sad for House*

That guy has such an inferiority complex!

*plots against Wilson*

[jackssilverwolf.livejournal.com]

So messed up! Such a bad line of thinking for House, believing he makes Wilson hurt him. This keeps sinking deeper and deeper into heavy darkness and I am loving the ride.

[littlewonder2.livejournal.com]

I reckon it would have been more realistic if he had. But oh well.

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

well, if this story had followed canon so far it would have been more realistic... the thing to bear in mind, though, is that so far in this verse, wilson has already spent a lot of time manipulating and brainwashing house to the point that he believes himself to be at fault for the abuse wilson's already committed against him...

i always felt that this particularly line of his was incredibly out of line, and in the context of the show (no abuse, relationship, etc) i actually always thought it would have been realistic if wilson actually *had* hit him for saying it...

so i personally think it's realistic in the context of this story for house to blame himself in this incident :P

[littlewonder2.livejournal.com]

This chapter really shows how they've changed since the Histories chapter. At least back then Wilson showed some level of regret over House.

[littlewonder2.livejournal.com]

I suppose it might have been (re: Wilson hitting House), athough canonically I don't see him going *that* far, necessarily. It certainly is in regard to this fic, though. But that kind of responsible character would probably resort to verbal abuse, preferring to restrain themselves.

Besides, a best friend isn't likely to want to hurt the other, and this sort of thing is pretty regular for Wilson as close as he is to House, so he'd have to be pretty good at the self-restraint thing to an extent.

As for House's attitude in regards to this story, it's also certainly plausible, but to me, House has canonically stood up for himself for most of five seasons. He hasn't been through what he has here, but he's stood his ground. There'd have to be a good reason not to.

Like losing Wilson, perhaps? Is that the reason here? I'd say that'd have to be a good one. :)

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

well the fear of losing wilson is definitely a big part of it, just like in most abusive relationships... wilson's subtle put-down comments, his gradual manipulations to make house feel like no one else would put up with him, no one else would want to be with him, have worked, and now house feels like if wilson leaves him, he'll be utterly alone, and therefore he must hold onto him at all costs...

wilson's mind games have also played into his past childhood abuse, which would tend to make him blame himself, anyway... john house already set house up to be an easy mark for an abuser, unfortunately :( he's going to find himself falling back into bad, unhealthy patterns of reactions, the same ones he used as a child to cope with his father's abuse...

and sadly, just like then, he's going to be believing that it's not wilson's fault, but his own... if he could just not have said that stupid comment, or made wilson angry, etc, etc... :(

does that help answer your questions :)

[chocolate-frapp.livejournal.com]

no words are worth hitting someone over. Of course I should have said that to myself in the late 80's when I was in House's position in this fic. You write so well but I may have to stop reading this. It echoes my past way too much and is starting to touch too many nerves. My abusive ex even looked a little like RSL.

[caged-obsession.livejournal.com]

"Why do you MAKE me do this?"

Why do abusers always say that same line? They manipulate their partner into being used as a punching bag, all the while, rationalizing that it wasn't their fault. House has been belittled, threatened, manipulated and now out-right attacked and through it all Wilson found a way to explain it away. Wilson was already so important to House cononically that he would have plenty of emotional ammo to use toward gaining forgiveness.

I find this turn of events very sad, especially because it happened due to something House said that was indeed outrageous and perhaps deserved some contempt for. Wilson in the show understood that House only meant that he had to figure the girl out, that he wanted that last puzzle piece. House didn't really want the girl to die nor would he take joy in it. Wilson used this as an excuse to finally lose his composure. Now it will only be easier for Wilson to do it again and get away with it.

I think it was a great setting for the first strike and I like how you handled House's inner turmoil. I find myself very angry at the people around House, as I was in the show, when he walks in with a bruise. House is a perfect candidate for long term abuse simply because everyone automatically assumes he screwed something else up. He needs friends! ...Too bad his best friend is his most dangerous right now. =(

You rock! I can't wait to read more, especially as it gets darker.

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

yes, i've always found that particular dynamic interesting... and i really think it's because of house's childhood abuse.. he's responding like a typical abuse victim... he just sort of plays it off as no big deal and doesn't complain, doesn't seek retribution, and probably blames himself :(

that's why i think it's somewhat plausible for him to maybe find himself in this type of relationship..

thanx, love, glad you liked this chapter... the next one is up now, hope you enjoy :)

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

thanx, hon, glad you liked it... and wilson will only get worse :P the next chapter is up now, hope you enjoy it :) *Hugs*

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

thanx so much, hon, so glad you're enjoying the story and find it realistic, that's what i'm aiming for...

yeah, i plan to follow canon pretty closely, but won't reveal just yet how things go for house and stacy in this verse ;)

the next chapter's up now, love, hope you enjoy it :) *Hugs*

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

thanx so much, hon, i'm so glad you find it psychologically realistic, etc.. *hugs* thanx so much for your kind words... the next chapter is up now, hope you enjoy it :)

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

thanx, hon :)

the thing that i think made this a good time for wilson's first actual physical strike was the fact that house's words *were* way out of line... in canon i thought that wilson might hit him for saying that, and it seems even more believable here... glad you liked this chapter, hon :) the next one is up now ;)

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

hey, hon, next chapter's up... hope you enjoy ;)

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

yeah, sadly, he really does... everyone thinks he's so confident, but what they don't get is that he's only confident about one thing :( thanx, love, glad you enjoyed this chapter :) *hugs* the next one is up now, hope you like :)

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

yeah, he's starting to really think like an abuse victim :( thanx, love, glad you're so into it :) *hugs* the next chapter is up now, hope you enjoy :)

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

yeah, and now he's starting to feel more justified in what he's doing... house is not protesting as much, and wilson's starting to act as if house deserves it :(

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

you're right, wilson had no right to hit him regardless of what he said... i'll understand if you've gotta stop reading, hon *hugs* thanx so much for your kind words :)

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

thanx so much, hon :) glad you're so into it...

i thought this was the perfect opportunity for wilson to strike that first blow, because house would readily accept it as deserved... if they weren't dating and wilson hit him for saying that, i think a lot of people would back him...

of course, they are dating and therefore hitting him is not acceptable under *any* circumstances...

but house is coming to blame himself, and the reaction of his team only serves to reinforce that mindset :(

the next chapter is up now, love, hope you enjoy it :) *Hugs*

[madwriter223.livejournal.com]

Yeah, as horrible as it sounds, House had that punch comming for his attitude in that episode. And then Wilson using his laps in control to further the brainwashing made me want to hug House and scream "You asshole!" at Wilson.
Nice one. ^__^
[off to read next chapter]

[moz17.livejournal.com]

HEart-breaking. That line "I made him do it, it's my fault." is becoming a regular occurence in this fic and it's jsut too sad. *sighs*

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

yeah, wilson has spent quite a while making house believe that he's the one at fault for all their problems :( and now house is starting to believe it :P thanx, love, glad you liked this :) *hugs*