Used, chapter 45 :)

[darkdreamer]

Hi, guys, here's the next chapter of Used :) Sorry for the brief wait between chapters, didn't have much writing time for a few days there :P Hope you enjoy it, please let me know :)

*hugs*
Dos


Title: Used
Beta: misanthropicobs
Rating: R
Pairing: House/Wilson friendship, House/Cuddy friendship, Wilson/OFC, and possible future House/Cuddy, not in this fic though :P
Warnings: implied and explicit non-con, violence and non-con of a flashback/memory sort, mild language, general angst and trauma and darkness
Summary: House endures the unimaginable...will his friends be able to deal with it? Will he be able to deal with it? A story about damaged human beings, and ultimately recovery and healing


Chapter 45
Distractions

Wilson walked through the door of the apartment about thirty minutes after Jenna made her announcement. He was weary and nervous with anticipatory energy at the same time, eager for news of the expected warrant for Tritter’s arrest – eager to be able to give House some kind of peace of mind, some sense of security.

Alarm filled him when he saw House on the sofa, his face buried against Cuddy’s shoulder, his body shaking with desperate, unrestrained sobs. Alarm faded into elation, however, when Cuddy met his eyes over House’s head with relief and joy in her own, an unspoken confirmation that what they had been hoping for, working for, had finally come to pass.

Wilson didn’t even notice Jenna, seated in the chair across from the sofa, until she rose to her feet and approached him, anxiety and excitement mingled on her face.

“They got him,” she informed him unnecessarily. “Tritter’s in jail.”

“Yes!” Wilson pumped his fist in the air, doing a little half-turn before facing Jenna again, embracing her in an impulsive attempt to release the exultant energy that filled him with the news. “Yes, that bastard’s going to prison where he belongs!”

Jenna laughed, a little nervously, returning his hug, before gently drawing back and facing him, biting her lip with apprehension in her eyes. Wilson frowned with confusion as she began to speak in a hesitant, almost fearful voice.

“There’s… there’s more, though.” Jenna’s tone was almost one of confession. “There’s… something else I have to tell you.” She glanced over her shoulder to meet Cuddy’s eyes briefly, taking Wilson’s hand and leading him further into the living room. “All of you. I just… wanted to wait until I could tell everyone at once.”

An unsettled feeling came over Wilson as he sat down in the chair where Jenna had sat, leaving her standing before them with the air of a terrified student about to give a speech in front of her class. The tension she was giving off even got through to House, who raised his head from Cuddy’s shoulder in a halting motion, red-rimmed eyes glancing uncertainly between her and Wilson.

“This… might be kind of alarming, at first,” Jenna warned them with an apologetic grimace in House’s direction. “It turns out… there was a… connection, to Tritter… that we weren’t aware of before… but it’s going to work in our favor, now, so everything’s all right…”

“What kind of connection?” Wilson’s eyes narrowed with suspicion as he took in her oddly guilty demeanor. “Jenna… what are you trying to say?”

“One of the men with Tritter that night… the one who stayed behind, and moved Dr. House’s bike… he’s come forward. He… named names, told Detective Benson the names of the other three, and all of them are in custody. He’s going to… to testify about what happened that night – the part he witnessed, anyway – and that can only strengthen our case…”

“Okay… that’s great…” Wilson cut her off with a raised, halting hand. “… but… you mentioned a connection? What’s the connection, Jenna?”

Jenna hesitated, swallowing hard, unable to meet his eyes as she answered in a rush. “He’s my brother. He didn’t know what Tritter and the others were going to do, he thought they were just going to rough him up a little, he had no idea how far things were going to go…”

She was looking at House as she spoke, apparently desperate for some sort of absolution – but House was staring downward, a studied calm on his face as he slowly processed her words. As Jenna’s voice trailed off, waiting for some response, House swallowed hard, his lips parting a few moments before any sound came out. Finally, he cleared his throat, struggling to maintain his composure as he spoke in a soft, restrained voice.

“Your brother. He’s… in custody, too?”

“Yes,” Jenna assured him, her voice gentler in response to his obvious fear. “Yes, he… gave himself up when he… when he saw the evidence.”

“Right,” Wilson said slowly, nodding with understanding. “Your brother’s in forensics. That’s why you felt safe to take the tape to him…”

“And he’s one of them.”

House’s horrified whisper drew the attention of everyone in the room. Cuddy reached out a gentle hand to rest on his in reassurance, but he shook his head, visibly sick, his face pale and broken out in a cold sweat.

“He’s one of them. He could have… What if he’d taken that tape to Tritter instead of turning himself in? What if he’d… God…”

“It’s all right.” Wilson spoke up, his voice calm and controlled as his eyes met the gaze of each person in the room in turn, finally falling on Jenna’s face and softening with understanding. “He didn’t. Everything turned out all right, and now we have another witness against Tritter. This is not a bad thing, House. This is good. This is… better, in fact.”

House was quiet, focused on the floor at his feet as he crossed his arms over his torso in an instinctively defensive gesture. Around him, the others discussed the details of what had happened, and what was going to happen next, trying to be as positive as possible for House’s benefit.

It wasn’t hard.

It really looked as if, despite the alarming coincidence of Jenna’s brother’s involvement, everything was going to turn out for the best.

After a little while, noting the exhaustion on House’s face and his wearily slumped posture on the sofa, Cuddy rose to her feet, announcing that she had to get home, because she had an early morning. Jenna followed suit, taking a couple of steps toward the door, pausing beside Wilson’s chair and placing a tentative hand on his shoulder. He met her eyes with a knowing, slightly troubled smile.

“I’ll call you,” he promised, raising a reassuring hand to rest over hers for a moment.

Jenna nodded with a grateful smile as she continued toward the door, followed closely by Cuddy.

“Hey, I don’t have to sneak around anymore,” she pointed out with a nervous laugh. “No more back door entrances and exits. Everything’s out in the open, now.”

House looked up abruptly, a trapped, startled expression on his face at her words. The others had barely managed to process what about Jenna’s statement had upset him, before he rose to his feet and limped toward the bedroom without a word. Wilson couldn’t help but notice that his limp was more pronounced than usual – most likely a physical manifestation of his fears surrounding the upcoming trial, and the exposure of his traumatic secret.

Worried, Cuddy took a step toward the bedroom door House had just emphatically shut.

Wilson placed a hand on her shoulder, stopping her. “Don’t worry,” he assured her. “I’ve got it. You’ve done more than your fair share today already. Go on home.”

Reluctantly, Cuddy conceded his point, and left House in his capable care.

Wilson knocked softly on the door, before sliding it open just enough to peer inside. House was pacing furiously back and forth, despite his obvious exhaustion. He glanced up at Wilson briefly before looking away again – but he did not tell Wilson to leave, and that was something. Wilson stepped cautiously into the room, closing the door behind him, despite the fact that they were alone in the apartment.

“I know what Jenna said was scary, House,” he acknowledged quietly. “I know that things could have turned out very badly… but they didn’t… and…”

“This is all going to become public knowledge, isn’t it? Everyone’s going to know.”

Wilson blinked, meeting House’s heavy, troubled stare as he processed the calm, quiet words, and realized that House’s concerns of the moment were not what he had thought they were.

“Legally,” Wilson answered at last in a slow, thoughtful voice, as he sat down on the edge of the bed, “your name can’t be released. Tritter’s arrest and charges will make the papers, sure… but the media can’t print the identity of his victim. That isn’t public information.”

“It will be when I testify,” House pointed out grimly, not meeting Wilson’s eyes. “My team already knows that I was… what happened. Once they see Tritter’s name in the paper, you think they won’t put two and two together and come up with my complete and utter humiliation?”

Wilson knew better than to attempt a reassuring lie. He nodded with an apologetic grimace. “They were trained by the best detective in Princeton not actually on the police force.”

“Great. Just great. They already know the what.” House muttered, still pacing, though Wilson noticed with concern that his legs were shaking with the stress of the workout he was putting them through. “The last thing I need is them figuring out the who and the why, too.”

“House… it doesn’t matter what you did to him,” Wilson stated quietly, waiting until House met his eyes to go on with solemn, gentle understanding. “This was not your fault.”

Though there was no logical reason why House should feel more ashamed because his team knew who had assaulted him than he already felt because of their knowledge that he was assaulted at all, Wilson still knew why he did. Tritter had managed to instill a deep sense of shame in House over what had happened, a sense of guilt, a subconscious belief that he had brought it on himself.

On a subconscious level, House probably believed that if his team found out it was Tritter who had raped him, they would put the pieces together, and figure out that it was revenge for what House had done to him – that it was House’s fault.

House looked away, blinking back unbidden tears, shaking his head in denial.

“I know,” he whispered, and there was a guarded edge to his voice that warned Wilson away from pursuing the subject any farther.

“I just think… I think the best thing you can do right now is just… go to work… do your job… keep going as if everything is normal. If you let Tritter keep you down, even from his jail cell… then he’s won. The best way to convince your team, and everyone else, that this isn’t gossip-worthy… is to go on with life as usual.”

House nodded slowly, considering Wilson's words and easily accepting them. “Right,” he agreed softly. “That’s the thing to do. Just keep going as usual. Keep them too busy to have time to think about my personal life which is none of their business.”

And keep you too busy to think about all the things that keep tormenting you right now… keep you too busy to obsess over all the ways this could still go wrong…

*******************************

Cuddy did her part in keeping House distracted, supplying him with a case immediately upon his arrival at work the next day. Determined to keep himself busy, House was at the top of his game, sharp and quick and amazing as usual as he guided his team toward the correct solution for his patient.

By noon, the patient was diagnosed and on her way to recovery.

Unfortunately, that left House with far too much time left in the day to do nothing but think. He was sitting at the table in the conference room, exactly where he had been when he had sent his team off to administer the correct treatment to their patient, when Cameron slipped back into the room twenty minutes later.

In another unfortunate happenstance, House’s back was to the room, and he was too far lost in his own thoughts to notice her entrance until her hand was on his shoulder.

“House? Are you…?”

She never got to finish her statement, as House staggered to his feet more quickly than she would have thought possible, nearly falling over the table in his haste to spin around and face the source of the perceived threat. He raised his cane to strike in defense with a strangled, guttural cry of surprise and terror. His heart pounded in his chest, and he struggled to catch his breath, as Cameron took a startled step backward, holding up her hands in reassurance.

“I-I’m sorry,” she stammered. “I was just… I just wanted to… I mean… I saw the paper, and I… just wanted to m-make sure you’re all right… make sure you didn’t need to… to talk, or…”

As House recovered from his initial panic, blind rage took the place of terror and its subsequent humiliation.

“Whether or not I’m all right is none of your business!” he snarled at her as he righted himself. He was still a little breathless as he snapped, “If I’d wanted to talk to someone, I’d have sought out someone I’d actually ever talk to! Keep your nose out of my private life, and get the hell out of my office!”

Hesitant, tentative, Cameron backed toward the door, even as she pointed out quietly, “We’re not in your…”

“Whatever!” House roared. “Get out!”

House stood there for a moment, still shaken and recovering, as Cameron turned and made a hasty retreat. His heart was still pounding, and he could feel panic pushing at the edges of his mind, trying to make its way in and overcome rational thought. He swallowed back the sick feeling of bile rising up in his throat, closing his eyes for a moment and fighting for control.

He needed a distraction… now.

On trembling legs, he made his way hurriedly toward the clinic. The irony was not lost on him, as he realized how much it had taken to convince him to willingly accept his assigned clinic duty. He met Cuddy’s eyes through the glass walls of her office, giving her a curt nod as he made his way to the desk to sign in.

Good for nothing else, hypochondriacal patients, over-sensitive to their runny noses and light coughs; and idiots who chose to self-treat and wait until they were unwittingly on the verge of death before coming to an actual doctor, were apparently good for one thing, after all.

A temporary distraction.

House was relieved as he felt his heart rate and breathing return to normal, and felt the panic ebbing again, as he lost himself in the never-ending line of mundane patients and their unbearably common needs. No one else working in the clinic knew what had happened to him; even those who might have read the paper that morning and recognized Tritter’s name had no reason to connect the story with House.

House managed to go three whole hours without thinking of Tritter or the surrounding situation for more than a few minutes.

The impressive streak came to an end when he was directed to an exam room by a nurse who told him that the patient had requested to see him, and only him. He tried to brush her off, but the nurse insisted that the patient said Dr. Wilson had told her that if she came today, she’d be able to see him. Suspicious, but unafraid, House took the chart from the bin outside the door as he opened it – and froze just inside the doorway, staring at the young woman seated on the table as if she were a ghost.

“I… I don’t know if you remember me, Dr. House,” she said in a voice that was uncertain, but steady and strong as it had not been when last he had seen her. “I saw you a couple of months ago. There wasn’t much you could do for me, medically, but you took several hours out of your day… just to talk to me… and that meant so much. I just… couldn’t imagine coming in here today for this follow up, and… and talking to anyone else besides you. I’m… not sure if you remember me… I… I was raped…”

“Of course I remember you,” House interrupted quietly, his eyes locked onto hers with a new depth of recognition, as he saw in her eyes a dark knowledge and unwelcome wisdom that he now felt within himself. “Hello, Eve."

TBC...

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Comments

[stlyn.livejournal.com]

Ah, mystery patient! I sort of forgot about her and didn't expect that. :)

Cool, can't wait for the next one.

(Also, Wilson is awesome and YAY for his talk w/House. Friendships are good, why does the show always have to go from sort-of-friends to makeout buddies to romance? Stupid show. Stupid, addictive show. :D)

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

hehehe... it *is* addictive, isn't it? hehe... glad you're enjoying this fic :) *Hugs* the next chapter is up now :)

[bonomania.livejournal.com]

I knew it. I knew it. I knew it!

Yaay! Very much looking forward to the House/Eve-ness.
Great direction to take this fic; I'm still enjoying this fic as much as I did from day 1 :D

Thanks for sharing x

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

thanx so much, hon, glad you like it :) more house/eve stuff next chapter, which i just posted :) *hugs*

[lizzielizzie.livejournal.com]

augh. I don't remember who this Eve person is! Wah! Will have to sift through old chapters when I get home from work and meetings.

In the meantime...wah! I am lost!

Good chapter otherwise. :D

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

from the show, hon, not from earlier in the fic... "One Day, One Room" girl... :P remember?

[lizzielizzie.livejournal.com]

ooooh. OK. I thought I was losing my mind. Hah!

Thanks for setting me straight. :)

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

hehe... no problem :) *Hugs*

and the next one's up now, hon, hope you like :)

[chaoskir.livejournal.com]

Yeah, Great new chaper. I do love that House was able for three hours not to think about the monster. And I could Camerin kick in her a... Sorry, but she is always so much annoying (at least she annoys me always).
Thanks a lot for the great and long and wonderful written chapter.

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

yeah, cameron often thinks she's helping when she's soooo not :( thanx, love, glad you liked the chapter... the next one is up now :) *Hugs*

[djfavorite.livejournal.com]

Cool. I was actually wondering a few chapters back if you were going to bring Eve into the story. Can't wait for the next chapter.

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

hehehe... she just seemed to fit perfectly :P thanx, hon, glad you liked the chapter :) *Hugs* the next one is up now :)

[lhoma320.livejournal.com]

WONDERFUL UPDATE!!!

I always thought this as well. “He’s one of them. He could have… What if he’d taken that tape to Tritter instead of turning himself in?" I think I even commented on it back when it happened. Poor House now as to worry about all the publicity.

I'm so happy you brought Eve into this story. This should be very interesting. The first time that episode aired it was one of my least favorites but I rewatched it about a week ago and had a totally different reaction. Funny how that happens.

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

yeah, i'm a sucker for house revealing vulnerability, so i adored that ep from the start :P heheeh... and yeah, this should definitely be an interesting encounter ;) thanx so much, hon, so glad you enjoyed this chapter... the next one is up now :) *hugs*

[myene-01.livejournal.com]

knew it! shes going to be great for House, and something liek this would probly help her too (if they talk about it)

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

yeah, such a conversation would be good for both of them ;) *hugs* thanx so much, hon, the next one is up now :)

[callida9.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for updating! I've been obsessively checking for a new chapter every chance I got over the last few days and I actually laughed out loud with happiness when I saw this was up. Great chapter, by the way. I figured out who the mystery patient was when you first mentioned her, and I've been waiting impatiently for you to bring her up again. I can't wait to see how the following conversation will go. He wasn't exactly understanding the last time he talked to Eve, but now that they've both experienced the tragedies of rape... it should be interesting. I'll be eagerly awaiting your next update! Please don't torture us too long! ;D
-Calli

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

hehe... thanx so much, hon, so glad you've been enjoying the story :) *Hugs* the next one is up now, and should provide some answers ;)

[angelcat2865.livejournal.com]

Great update. Hope Eve can help House.

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

we shall see ;) hehe.. thanx, love, glad you liked it :) *Hugs*

[jackssilverwolf.livejournal.com]

Am I caught up? I think I am! Whoo! Damn. Now I'm back to waiting for updates. ;op

OK, I have to say I HATE CAMERON. She is so nosy, it drives me nuts. Can't she ever get a clue when someone wants to be left alone. She shouldn't have a job like this, she'd be better off in a lab. Leave him alone, Cameron!

Hah! I was right, it is Eve. Only patient I could think of that would want House as her Doctor (I would too) and her story fit in here perfectly. This will be awesome!

And am I a truly sick twisted individual for hoping for some more Tritter and House interaction? I am, I know I am, but I still want some. O:o)

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

heheh... yep, all caught up now :P and yeah, cameron was a bit of an idiot here, wasn't she? :( *sigh* thanx so much, hon, i'm so glad you're liking the story still *hugs* the next one is up now...

and yeah, there'll be a bit more tritter/house interaction before the story is over ;)

*hugs*
DoS

[2cbetter2.livejournal.com]

Boy I'm glad when Jenna's brother talked he named the other three involved and they've been arrested. I was really worried they'd stay loose and be a threat to House and everyone else.

Ugggh, Cameron, how dumb can you get? Just because you're not a man like Chase and Foreman doesn't mean you can go around touching House like you want, especially when he doesn't know you're about to touch him!

And YES! I am so glad Eve's come back into House's life at this time because he really does need to talk with someone about what happened to him.

Great update!

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

yeah, they had to make sure that house was safe from the threats besides tritter as well... and cameron can be pretty thoughtless :( just assuming she'd be able to offer him comfort was pretty foolish.. :( glad you enjoyed the chapter, though, hon :) *hugs* thanx so much :)

[moz17.livejournal.com]

Cameron, you twat. *facepalm*

Please don't let this go wrong with the court case....

And the mystery patient revealed, v.interesting...xxx

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

yeah, cameron' style of "helping" is really not good for house right now... *sigh* but we'll see what kind of an effect eve might have on him :) thanx so much, love :) *Hugs*

[barush.livejournal.com]

OMG Cameron! *facepalm* I'm so glad she doesn't have that much screen time anymore. And I loved the episode with Eve, so I'm glad you've used her here! That's bound to be interesting!

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

yeah, cameron's utterly clueless... she cares, but not always in the right way :( thanx, love, glad you enjoyed this chapter :) *Hugs*