Used, chapter 50 :P

[darkdreamer]

Hi, guys, here's the update for Used :) Hope you enjoy it :)

*hugs*
DoS


Title: Used
Beta: misanthropicobs
Rating: R
Pairing: House/Wilson/Cuddy friendship, slight Wilson/OFC
Warnings: implied and explicit non-con, violence and non-con of a flashback/memory sort, mild language, general angst and trauma and darkness
Summary: One night leaving the hospital, a violent attack leaves House devastated and broken. In the aftermath, Wilson and Cuddy struggle to find a way to help him heal -- while House fights just to find a way to survive.


Chapter 50
Confidance

 

“What if they don’t believe me?”

House’s voice was filled with quiet anguish, as he held the phone to his ear and spoke into it in hushed, confiding tones. He was huddled against the headboard of his bed, his knees drawn up close to his chest, his free arm wrapped around them, eyes locked onto the closed and secured bedroom door.

A part of his mind was still convinced that at any moment, Tritter might come through it.

Eve’s soft, thoughtful voice on the other end of the line was strangely soothing. Her calm seemed to flow through the phone, easing the edge of panic trying to rise up within House’s troubled mind.

“They’ll believe you,” she assured him. “You told me about the evidence – the knife, the videotape. There’s no way a jury will be able to ignore that.”

“The A.D.A. told me…” House persisted, hesitating over the frightening words, “… she told me… there’s always a chance he could… could get off. And… if I don’t testify…”

“You need to testify, Dr. House,” Eve interrupted gently. “And… not just to get a conviction. This is… important, for other reasons. You have no idea how much good it will do you – how much it’ll help you to get past what happened.”

“I… I don’t know.” House’s voice was barely audible. “I just… I’m not sure I can, Eve. I’m not sure I can… sit up there in front of all those people… and…” His voice dropped to a haunted whisper. “… in front of him… and talk about… the things… the things he did to me…”

“But that’s just the way he wants you to feel,” Eve pointed out. “The way he’s counting on you feeling. He’s counting on the fact that you feel… ashamed about what happened. That’s his power over you. But the truth is, you have nothing to be ashamed of. He’s the one that should be ashamed. And when you stand up in a court of law and tell everyone why – that’s when you take your power back.”

House was quiet for a long moment, taking in the weight of her words. Finally, he answered in a quiet, uncertain voice. “That’s all well and good… if Tritter’s convicted. But… if I do this… if I testify… and he… he still gets off… he’ll kill me, Eve. He’ll kill me… and… and my friends… I can’t… I can’t let that happen…”

“It won’t happen,” she assured him softly. “The evidence speaks for itself. All you have to do is tell the truth to back it up, and he won’t stand a chance. A jury won’t be able to help but see what kind of person he is.”

“What about the kind of person I am?” When Eve didn’t answer for a few moments, confused by his question, House hesitantly explained. “You might not have had a chance to figure this out about me yet… but… I’m not exactly the nicest guy, myself.”

“No, I must have missed that during the hours you spent trying to convince me that I didn’t want to talk to you,” Eve retorted in a wry voice of gentle sarcasm. “All I got from you that day was hugs and puppies.”

“Seriously,” House insisted quietly. “There’s a lot of things about me… a lot of… things I’ve done… that would tend to make a jury dislike me. And… Tritter’s defense attorneys are going to bring those things up in court. If they can make the jury think I’m… bad enough… as bad as Tritter, maybe… he could still get off.”

“You’ve never raped and tortured anyone,” Eve pointed out, a hard edge of anger creeping into her voice. “There is no way, no matter how bad they make you look, that you could possibly look any worse than him.”

House didn’t answer, clearly unconvinced. He closed his eyes for a moment, resting his head against the headboard, and let out a weary sigh.

“I think… the best thing you can do about those things… those things you’re afraid for the jury to find out about you… is to bring them up yourself.”

House opened his eyes again, a startled frown creasing his brow. “Come again?”

“Be honest about them. Tell the jury before Tritter’s people get a chance to tell them.”

House was quiet for a moment before responding in a slow, skeptical voice. “I’m… not exactly sure what good you think that’ll do.”

There was a weighted silence, and House knew instinctively that Eve was trying to summon her courage to say what she wanted to say next. He heard her draw in a deep breath, and when she spoke, her voice was soft and trembling slightly, but filled with a deep sense of strength and confidence.

“That night… the night I was raped… I’d been drinking. I told you that before. It was… very confusing, because… part of the time, I wasn’t sure what was happening. I was… really out of it. But… but I remember saying no. Very clearly. Again… and again. And… he didn’t listen. It was most definitely not my choice. It was rape.”

She paused a moment before continuing. “But… his defense tried to use the fact that I was drinking… that, and… some past… mistakes I’d made… to prove that it wasn’t rape. I used to… to party a lot. I’d been with a lot of guys, by choice. So… so they tried to make the jury think that I was a slut. They said I… I already knew I was pregnant when I went to the clinic, and I… tried to use a rape accusation to cover it up.”

“What did you do?”

House asked the question in a quiet voice of vulnerable, searching curiosity. Eve’s story sounded very much like the fears his mind had been concocting of what might happen during his own trial, and he was eager to hear how her situation had worked out.

“I told the truth,” Eve replied. “Completely. Told them about my past… my reputation… admitted that I’d made a lot of bad decisions in the past… but made it clear that this was not my decision. I may have made some foolish choices, but I didn’t choose him, that night. It made my story more credible, not less. The jury believed the evidence, and my testimony… and he’s in prison now. Seven years. The way I handled the hard truths about myself… is what made it clear that what happened wasn’t my fault.”

House nodded slowly, though he knew she couldn’t see the gesture. He swallowed hard, steeling himself, before quietly confiding, “I’m afraid that… the… hard truths about myself… might make the jury think that it is my fault.” He opened his mouth to say more, but then just shook his head, unable to bring himself to go any further.

Fortunately, Eve easily saw through to the fears and uncertainties that bound him.

“It wasn’t your fault,” she stated in a voice of firm conviction. “No matter what you think you might have done to… to provoke this guy… to make him want to attack you… nothing you could possibly have done gave him any excuse to do what he did. There is nothing they can tell the jury that justifies kidnapping and rape and torture.”

“I stuck a thermometer up his ass and left him in an exam room with no way to get it out.”

Stunned silence filled the air, and House cringed, apprehensively awaiting her reaction.

“Okay,” she said slowly at last. “That’s… bad. But… you must have had a reason. Right? What did he do to you first?”

House looked down, self-conscious though he knew she couldn’t see him. “He… tripped me. Kicked my cane,” he admitted. “Because he thought I was rude.”

“Yeah,” Eve scoffed with a note of triumph to her voice. “That story’s really gonna make the jury sympathize with the sadistic rapist who kicked a handicapped man’s cane out from under him. Personally, I think the thermometer was less than he deserved.”

“I thought so, too.” House couldn’t suppress a grin at the approval in her voice. “Obviously.”

In the midst of the tension and uncertainty, they shared a moment’s light laughter. In the silence that followed, however, House’s smile faded away, his expression becoming solemn and troubled.

“There’s… more than that. After that… he arrested me. I… I have a drug habit. Prescription only, and… and I need it, for the pain. My leg. I… have to take it. But… but he saw his chance and… got a warrant to search my place, and… got charges pressed against me. I only got off because… I had some influential friends who… stood up for me in court.” He paused a moment, allowing her time to process his words before adding, “A jury might see my rape accusation as… payback. They might not believe me, or…” He hesitated, then finished in a soft, trembling voice of uncertainty.

“… Eve… I’m a big enough jerk… there are some people that… might think I deserved it.”

Eve’s voice was heavy with sorrow and sympathy, and anger at the idea he had expressed, when she answered in slow, certain words.

“You didn’t deserve it. It doesn’t matter what you did. Nothing could possibly make you deserving of what he did to you. You deserve justice… and he deserves to be punished. The jury will see that.” She paused, adding emphatically, “If you tell the truth. If you come clean about everything from the start. If you don’t, and the defense brings them up, it could make you look like a liar… and that could be trouble.”

They talked a while longer, and House found his fears fading gradually into a sense of safety and peace with every reassuring word Eve spoke. At last, when he felt himself drifting off to sleep mid-sentence, he laughed softly, running a hand over his sleepy eyes.

“Thank you,” he said with full sincerity. “This… means a lot to me. Your… taking time to talk to me. You’ve… helped me a lot.”

“Just returning the favor,” Eve replied, and he could hear the affectionate smile in her voice. She hesitated a moment before asking gently, “Do you… want me to be there? For the trial? Because… I’ll come, if you want me to.”

House blinked, startled by the suggestion – and strangely warmed. He surprised himself when he answered, “Yeah. Yeah, I’d… I’d like that.”

The next week and a half passed in a blur of frenzied activity – which was a fortunate thing. All the meetings with Brooke, practice for his testimony, and other preparations kept House too busy to focus on his impending panic – most of the time. Of course, there were moments when he couldn’t help but think about the swiftly approaching trial, and facing Tritter in the courtroom – those cold eyes focused on him, that cold smile promising torment and death in repayment for House’s disobedience.

In those moments, the only way he could stave off the panic was to call Eve, who had become his confidante for the things he couldn’t bring himself to discuss with Wilson or Cuddy. He knew that Wilson wanted to help him, wanted House to feel like he could share the dark fears that filled his mind with his best friend; but there were some things that were just too much – some thoughts that were too muddled and confused, some fears that were too horrific – for him to share with Wilson or Cuddy.

They were burdens he could not allow himself to place on anyone who hadn’t already borne them.

Unable to help House emotionally, Wilson hired a bodyguard to accompany House everywhere, to ensure his safety until Tritter’s conviction. House had to admit, it did make him feel a little safer, though there was a part of him that was dreadfully sure that, if Tritter really tried to get to him again, there would be little that anyone could actually do to protect him.

If I can just get through the trial… just get him convicted… then I’ll be safe…

But in spite of his best efforts to convince himself, House couldn’t quite make himself believe it. And despite his fears, despite the trapped sensation of panic slowly constricting his chest, the impending confrontation with his most terrifying nightmares grew nearer with every day that passed… until finally, the day of the trial arrived.

Oh, God… I can’t do this… I don’t think I can do this...

TBC...

Comments

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

heheh... the next chapter's up now, love :) *hugs*

glad you've enjoyed this one, with eve's help for house and all... he really needs to be able to talk to somebody who understands somewhat what he's going through... thanx so much for your kind words, love :)