darkdreamer | #22 in the Leverage!verse, Desperation :)

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housefics,
leverage

#22 in the Leverage!verse, Desperation :)

Hey, guys, here's the next chapter of the Leverage series :) Hope you like it... I found it just *slightly* too sappy myself :P hehe... but maybe it will be to your liking :)

*hugs*
DoS

Title: Desperation
Beta:

misanthropicobs
Pairing: House/Wilson
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: discussion of dom/sub themes
Summary: House presents Wilson with his version of the contract.

The ride back to Princeton was interminably quiet and tense.

Wilson tried to engage House in conversation a couple of times, his curiosity driving him to try to find out what House planned to put in his own version of the contract, but House remained stubbornly silent, refusing to discuss it.

So the two of them fell into a sort of heavy, uneasy silence which lasted long past the two hour drive. For a couple of days, House was evasive with Wilson, keeping his distance and refusing to answer any questions Wilson aimed in his direction. When Wilson asked him how much progress he had made on the contract, if he might be ready to discuss it, House simply told him that it wasn’t finished yet, and he would let him know when it was.

The awkward tension was starting to get to Wilson. He couldn’t stand living with House, working with him, seeing him nearly every moment of every day, yet barely speaking, hardly touching, for days.

The second night, Wilson decided to do something about it.

House was sitting on the couch, frowning thoughtfully and writing in a spiral notebook, when he walked through the front door. House didn’t even look up, just kept writing, without so much as saying a word.

But… maybe that’s a good thing… if he’s almost done with the contract…

Wilson slipped up behind House, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pressing a tender, enticing kiss to his neck. House’s only response was a deepening of his frown as he leaned away from Wilson in annoyance, tilting the notebook so that the writing inside was outside Wilson’s range of vision.

“Almost done?”

For once, Wilson’s low, slightly hoarse voice sounded not all that interested in the contract, and much more interested in House himself, as he placed a hand on the side of House’s neck, holding him in place so that the next time Wilson tried to kiss him, he couldn’t pull away.

“No,” House declared pointedly. “Nowhere near it. So go jerk off in the bathroom and leave me alone, ‘cause you’re not getting any until I am.”

Frustrated and embarrassed by House’s blatant rejection, Wilson withdrew immediately, his voice low and resentful as he muttered, “You’re doing this to punish me, aren’t you? Taking forever to finish this contract? Just because you want to get back at me for…”

“No, I’m taking forever to finish this contract because I want it to be right.”

Wilson was quiet for a moment, his dark eyes troubled as he ventured in a soft, uncertain voice, “Is it too late? Have I… have I ruined this? Is that why you… don’t want me to touch you anymore?”

House seemed to seriously consider the question for a few moments before correcting him in a surprisingly gentle voice, finally focusing his attention on Wilson as he set the notebook down.

“No. It’s not. You haven’t. And I do.”

He reached out and caught Wilson’s hand, pulling him back just as he was about to move away from the sofa. He waited until Wilson sullenly met his gaze to continue in a soft voice full of more sincerity than House usually offered.

“I just think that… until we know exactly what we’re doing… we shouldn’t be doing anything at all.”

Wilson stared down at House, surprised by the calm, reasonable manner in which he was actually communicating for a change, and touched by the amount of thought he had obviously put into it.

Maybe… maybe he’s finally taking this seriously…

“Okay,” Wilson agreed softly, moving back toward House and wrapping an affectionate arm around his shoulders. “You’re right. Of course you’re right. Take as long as you need, and I’ll keep my distance until you’re ready.”

They stayed like that for a moment in silence, before House raised an eyebrow, turning his head to give Wilson a dubious look.

“Wilson?”

Wilson blinked, suddenly understanding.

“Right,” he sighed as he removed his arm abruptly and backed away from behind the sofa, his hands raised in front of him in a gesture of surrender. “Right… I’ll just be… somewhere else…”

He shook his head in rueful embarrassment as he retreated to the bedroom. House’s words made perfect sense, and Wilson wanted to respect his boundaries – but it seemed that he couldn’t go five seconds without touching him, despite House’s request. And to make things worse, Wilson had no idea how much longer it would take House to finish his contract.

This is going to be harder than I thought…

****************************

Wilson didn’t even venture a glance in House’s direction as he walked through the door the following night, wanting to spare himself the temptation.

“It’s finished.”

Wilson’s eyes widened in surprise, and he stared at House for a long moment in disbelief.

“It’s finished?” he echoed in a tone of cautious excitement, as if not quite daring to believe that House was telling the truth. “Really?”

House nodded, a slight, almost serene smile on his lips, though his eyes were solemn and intent.

“You ready to hear it?”

“House, I’ve been ready since you started working on it.”

“Oh, please,” House muttered, rolling his eyes – but there was a flash of amusement in his eyes, and his tone was good-naturedly teasing. “Deny you for a few days, and you’re a useless wreck. Slut.”

“Yeah, well, so’s your mom,” Wilson replied almost automatically, his tone eager and impatient as he moved quickly to sit down on the couch beside House. “Go ahead. I’m ready.”

“Okay.”

House drew in a deep breath, glancing down at the pages in his hands. Wilson noticed that the words were printed on plain white paper, and felt a surge of affection for House with the realization of how much thought and effort he had put into the contract. There was a rare openness and vulnerability in House’s eyes when he raised them to meet Wilson’s gaze.

“First of all… I don’t want to be with you… just so you can fix me. If you’re going to be with me… I want it to be… because you want to be with me… even if the things you don’t like never change.” House paused, glancing down at the paper again, though he was not reading it as he added softly, “I know… I’m not exactly a prize… but… I still don’t think that’s too much to ask.”

Wilson felt a sharp pang of remorse, blinking back the moisture that suddenly formed in his eyes. He shook his head, his voice barely audible as he affirmed, “No. No, House, that’s not… too much to ask…”

House continued as if Wilson had not spoken, desperately trying to move past the thick emotion in Wilson’s words, his own voice hurried and trembling slightly.

“So… my rule number one is… no more… holding the threat of leaving me over my head. If I do something that genuinely hurts you, or… or this relationship… then, fine. You’ve got the right to walk away just like you would in any other relationship. But... if you want to be with me, then you want to be with me… whether we continue this whole dominant-submissive thing or not. If at some point down the road I decide… that I don’t want to do this anymore… you can’t just… walk out on me because I don’t want to be under your complete control.”

Wilson was too choked up to speak, his guilt intensified by the subtle note of hurt and reproach he heard in House’s voice. House was looking at him, waiting for his response, so Wilson nodded quickly, swallowing back the hard knot in his throat to whisper a hoarse, gentle response.

“Okay…. of course…”

House continued, a nervous edge to his words betraying his doubt as to whether or not Wilson would accept his next condition, and Wilson prepared himself for an argument.

“The second rule is… you can’t try to dictate exactly how many pills I take… can’t hold me to a specific schedule…”

“House,” Wilson interrupted in a voice that was gentle but warning, “the pills were my main concern from the beginning. I don’t want you to hurt yourself…”

“If you think I’m taking enough pills to hurt my work performance, the people around me, or… or me…” House swallowed hard, not quite looking up at Wilson, his face flushed as he continued, “… then… you can punish me. In… an acceptable manner that I’ve described further in this contract. That’s… that’s fine. But…”

House hesitated, looking up at last to meet Wilson’s eyes… and the traces of desperation and fear Wilson saw there nearly took his breath as House went on, his voice strong with conviction despite his misgivings.

“… my Vicodin should always be in my possession. You can’t… withhold it from me – not because you think I’m taking too much of it, and definitely not as a punishment. You can punish me in other ways if you think I’m taking too much, but you can’t… control my meds. Because… I’m the only one who knows… my own pain. I’m the only one who can really know… how much I need. Can you… can you deal with that?”

Wilson couldn’t look at House, acutely aware and ashamed of how carelessly he had handled House’s pain. Of course, House was right. There was no way that Wilson could really know how much pain he was in, how much Vicodin it took to alleviate that pain. How could House possibly trust him, under the constant threat of having his pain neglected or ignored?

And yet… he’s still willing to let me punish him for taking them… just as long as I let him take them… God, what am I doing?

“Of course I can, House,” Wilson agreed, his voice low and carefully controlled. “Of course.”

House raised a dubious eyebrow in Wilson’s direction, wordlessly reminding him that no so very long ago, Wilson had not been nearly so willing to make such a concession, but then continued on without belaboring the point.

Or maybe he’s afraid if he gives me the chance I’ll change my mind…

“And rule number three… the last one…”

Wilson was surprised at that, having expected House to take much greater advantage of the opportunity to control the situation, but he kept silent, waiting for House to go on.

“It’s about punishments. I’ll… submit to whatever punishments you decide to use, with certain… conditions.” He handed Wilson a smaller sheet of paper, folded in half, but didn’t look up at him as he explained softly, “That’s a list of items that are never under any circumstances to be used to punish me.”

As Wilson began to read the list, his vision blurred with tears, as his mind took the vague suspicions it had harbored and processed them into fact, with the added evidence of the list in his hands.

Belt, switch, hairbrush, ruler…

There were several other items as well, all of which were in keeping with the dark, terrible theme in Wilson’s mind – the explanation for House’s extreme reactions when he had attempted to use such items in the past – and it only served to increase Wilson’s guilt. As Wilson quietly folded the paper again and handed it back to House, nodding his agreement, House continued, his tone hushed and subdued.

“Also… you can never hurt me bad enough that it’s noticeable the next time I’m in public. And you can’t ever use… my leg… against me. Can’t… hit me there, or… or anything like that…”

Horrified, Wilson looked up at House, eyes wide with shock. “House,” he gasped, shaking his head in dismay. “Surely you don’t think that I would ever…”

“No,” House reassured him in a halting voice, shaking his head, his eyes focused on his own knees. “I just… wanted to be clear. You never think that… anyone would… do those kinds of things… and yet, those things happen. People do things you’d… never think they’d do.”

Wilson was silent, fighting back the impending wave of emotion that threatened to take him under at the thought of how House had come by that painful knowledge. He did not want to give way to his tears in front of House, especially when those tears were for House, and would surely be perceived as pity, and rejected with disgust. He swallowed back a sob, struggling to get control again before finally speaking.

“Well… I wouldn’t,” he insisted, his voice low and determined. “I can do the things that you’ve asked, House… and I’ll prove to you that… that I would never do a thing like that to you.” He reached out a tentative hand to rest on House’s knee, relieved when House allowed the gesture. “I… I love you.”

House merely nodded, but Wilson saw the words returned in his grateful but guarded gaze. After a moment, House ventured to speak again.

“I think as long as I know that… if it gets to be too much… if I can’t handle it… I can end this part of our relationship… without ending… our relationship... and that… I’m going to be in control of my own meds… my own pain, then… I can do this.” He was silent for a moment, looking up to meet Wilson’s eyes as he amended, “I want to do this.”

Wilson shifted closer to him on the sofa, wanting to offer comfort and reassurance for the vulnerable uncertainty he saw in House’s eyes. When he placed a gentle hand on House’s waist, drawing him closer, he was relieved that House responded to the gesture, edging closer to him as well. Wilson raised a hand to cup the back of House’s head, and House yielded to his touch, his lips parting to accept Wilson’s kiss.

When they finally drew apart, both were breathless, aching with the desperation of their recent enforced separation, and the fear of the failure of the relationship that was coming to mean so much to both of them. They clung to each other, as if trying to cling to what was between them and protect it against the turmoil that was threatening to destroy it.

“We can do this,” Wilson insisted, muttering the words against House’s mouth between fervent kisses. “We can do this, I know we can…"

TBC...

/>
Accident Lawyers

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Great update. Glad House got his contract done and that they are apparently both getting to a better starting point with this new try and the whole relationship on a firmer ground. The ending made me go awww. :)

hehehe... i was hoping it would... the next chapter is considerably less sappy :P thanx so much for your kind words, hon :) *Hugs* the next one is up now:)

*sniffle and hugs them both* Ohh, I hope this works for them.

yeah, things are starting to look up a little... :P thanx, love, glad you enjoyed the chapter :) *hugs* the next one is up now :)

House should have written his contract at work like Wilson did then it wouldn't have taken so long :) Glad he won the Vicodin wars - altough interesting that he will still allow Wilson to 'punish' him for taking too much...I suspect that we haven't heard the last of that topic...

hehe yeah :P and for house it's all about having control over his own pain... he'll let wilson do what he likes, as long as it means that he gets to keep his pills and, regardless of punishments, has ultimate control over whether or not he takes them :)

thanx so much, hon, glad you liked this update :) *Hugs* the next chapter is up now, hope you enjoy it :)

"so’s your mom" LOL

Which implements does that leave, I wonder. Hmm...

heheheh :P glad you liked that bit :P

oooh, wilson can get quite creative :P thanx so much, hon, glad you liked this update :) the next one is up now

Great update, so happy House is taking a little bit of control. Especially where it comes to his pain!!!

yeah, house is taking a little bit of control back, because he couldn't handle wilson dictating when he takes his pills... he'd rather take a punishment than give up that control... thanx, love, glad you liked this chapter *hugs* the next one is up now, hope you like :)

Aww this is so sweet! I like how House is taking some control.

yeah, he couldn't let wilson try to manage his pain when he doesnt really understand house's pain... thanx so much, hon, glad you liked this update *hugs* the next chapter is up now :)

Yeah, I do hope they can do this. And I'm glad House was able to say what he wanted and don't wanted. Great new chapter. Thanks a lot for sharing.

yeah, this is a much better start for them :P thanx, love, glad you liked this update :) *Hugs* the next chapter is up now, hope you enjoy :)

Very good :) I feel badly for the both of them. Thanks for sharing :)

yeah, this isn't easy for either of them, but maybe now they're headed in the right direction, thanx, love, glad you liked this update :) *Hugs* the next chapter is up now :)

*sigh* It's nice to have a sappy chapter once in a while

heheh.... glad you liked the sappiness :) *Hugs* thanx so much, hon, the next chapter is up now, hope you enjoy :)

Clearing the air and starting again on a healthy basis, that's great. Also, House summarized the three main issues which we readers felt were the problem since it all started, and Wilson recognized that. It makes one hopeful for the future if they can hold on to their current conviction and need to make it right. This said... I can't wait for them to mess it up, because they're going to, of course! ;-)

"Yeah, well, so's your mom" - tee hee!

yeah, they really needed to have this conversation :) and thanx so much, hon, i'm glad you liked that one funny line in particular :P hehe *hugs* the next chapter is up now, hope you like it ;)

Almost tear inducing.

Good to see that Wilson's really following that advice and giving House more say in the whole situation. Must have been hard for the both of them. I have to say, too, that I like this side of House...It's not unbelievable or too vulnerable and soppy - he's making an effort and taking the time for the whole thing.

Good show.

thanx, love, glad you found it emotional and touching... i like to write the vulnerable side of house, which is not the same as other characters vulnerable sides... thanx so much, hon, glad you liked this update :) *hugs* the next one is up now :)

Finally, some progress. ^__^
I like how you showed how much care House put into completing his list. And the negletdWilson sulking in the corners, so cute. XD
I also like House's uncertainty when he was reading his list. Still afraid Wilson would up and leave. Wonderful.

thanx, love, i love how you notice all the details :) *hugs* glad you liked this chapter... the next one is up now, hope you enjoy it as well :)

Oh my word, I love this fic so much. I was nearly crying when the contract was being read out, and Wilson's reaction. I adore how you are writing this- they didn't just get together and everyone's happy now. It's reads so REAL, a real relationship where you fuck up and make mistakes and then you try to fix them because it's worth fixing. Just...gah, your writing gets to me. xxx

thanx so much, hon, i'm so glad you found it realistic and touching, a real relationship with all its issues is exactly what i'm hoping to present... hope you like it, hon :) *Hugs* the next chapter is up now :)

Well, I kind of agree with what you yourself said at the top of your post. This is slightly too sappy for my tastes, at least in terms of hitting my kink buttons ;-) Not in terms of the story progression, or character and relationship development, because this was clearly needed (and necessary). But you know me, I'm a sucker for those moments where Wilson grabs House's hair and pulls his head back harshly and ... or makes him go to his knees knowing he won't be able to get up without help and... or just generally is being all dommish and hot. His insecure, self-doubtning, UNdommish side is less appealing/attractive to me. I want him dominant and pushing, purposely demanding things of House that he KNOWS will be hard for him, and I want House fighting with himself and struggling, wanting to rebel, wanting to fight, but submitting; because he wants to, because he has to, because he needs it, because he is slightly afraid, and also (secretly, so very secretly), because he is so very turned on by it.

FOr that reason, some of the first chapters in this story have been the hottest to me, simply because they have Wilson at his most uncompromising, forceful and demanding. And House still has his fire, and is continuously making it hard for Wilson to keep up, to keep him submitting - but he does! Recent chapters have had both House and Wilson pretty insecure in their roles, questioning themselves and each other; and it's just generally less hot to me. THough necessary as I said above, because in order for this story to make sense, there had to be a period of adjustment, insecurity, mistakes (not that that's over yet). There is no way Wilson could have gone from overall nice guy, vanilla sex, vanilla relationships, to Mr. Infallible In-Control Dominant. Or that House would have just accepted him in that role.

So I'm glad you're taking the time to set this up right, to make sure the characters develop realistically, to make their relationship REAL.

It brings the relationship to where it needs to be, in order for it to (hopefully) develop into an actual functional, healthy (and hot) D/s relationship. Where (hopefully) all of my, your and their kink buttons will be pushed ;-)

Sorry for the ultra long post, btw. Am just really happy to see that you're working on this again, and I had to comment. And of course I am incapable of making short posts ;-)

Hugs you

never apologize for long, well thought out comments like this, hon :) theyre like crack to me :P hehehhe... glad you enjoyed this chapter, and i totally agree with your comments... those hot dom!wilson moments are my favorites too, but these types of moments are necessary too :)

thanx so much, love :) *Hugs* the next chapter is up now :) hope you enjoy it ;)

good for you House!

hehe... yeah, he needed to stand up for himself a bit.. thanx, love, glad you liked it, the next one is up now :) *Hugs*

hmmm...now, how will this turn out....

we shall see ;)

thanx, love, glad you liked this update :) *Hugs* the next one is up now, hope you enjoy :)

_{I haven't read this for a long time
Wow House finally you're thinking again

good one}

hehe... glad you're enjoying it, hon :) *Hugs* next chapter is up now :)

_{YAY!
no problem at all ^^}

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#22 in the Leverage!verse, Desperation :)

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