Shadows of Doubt, 2.8 -- The Mistake

[darkdreamer]

Hey, guys :)

Here's the next chapter of Shadows of Doubt :) Hope you enjoy it. Please let me know what you think.

*hugs*
DoS

Title: Shadows of Doubt: A Dark!Wilson House Redux
Episode: 2.8 -- The Mistake
Beta: andi88
Disclaimer: House, Wilson, and all other characters/ideas taken from the show are not my own, and I'm making no profit from the writing of this fiction -- just for fun, I promise. :P (Some dialogue this chapter taken directly from the episode.)
Pairing: House/Wilson
Rating: PG-13
Author's Note: In this particular 'verse, I've changed one thing about the canon timeline. At the beginning of the story, when House and Wilson first get together, Wilson is already recently divorced from Julie.
Story Warnings: slash, dark Wilson -- specific warnings for each chapter as necessary
Chapter Warnings: violence, abuse
Story Summary: A darker version of how canon might have gone, if House and Wilson had entered into a relationship from the start -- and if that relationship took a gradually dark, disturbing turn.
Chapter Summary: House makes a decision about their relationship, and gives Wilson an ultimatum.

 

“You read my file.”

House blinked, caught off guard by the unexpected accusation, as he looked up from behind his desk to see Stacy standing in front of him, arms crossed angrily over her chest.

“Why would I do that?”

“I don’t know. You tell me. All I know is that you did.”

Stacy’s tone was icy and hard as stone, her eyes flashing fire as she waited for his explanation. House swallowed hard, forcing himself to maintain eye contact, well aware that looking away would only serve to reinforce his guilt.

How could she possibly know? Wilson wouldn’t tell her… would he? He must have. It’s the only way she could have found out…

He couldn’t keep an edge of anger from his own voice as he demanded, “And where, may I ask, did you come across this piece of oh-so-reliable information?”

Stacy hesitated for a moment, as if unsure whether or not to tell him, before her shoulders slumped and she admitted, “My therapist asked me if I’d taken a peek at the file. He found it out of place, and knew someone must have looked at it besides him. I lived with you for seven years, Greg. It wasn’t hard to put two and two together and come up with four.”

So Wilson’s not a traitor… just an idiot.

House sighed, allowing his gaze to fall to the desk in front of him, now that the ruse was clearly pointless. “Can you blame me for being curious?”

“Can I…?” Stacy echoed in disbelief, sounding a little breathless. House glanced up to see that her eyes were wide and indignant. “Yes, I can blame you! My personal therapy notes are none of your business! God, Greg, I thought I could trust you; I thought we might be able to be friends! But now, I don’t know what to think…”

Uncomfortable and embarrassed by the hurt mingled with the anger in her voice, House rose to his feet abruptly, moving toward the door. “Well, if all you’re going to do is stand here yelling at me, I’ve got a patient to…”

“Oh, no, you don’t…”

Stacy reached out a hand to catch his arm, wanting only to stop his escape – but House’s reaction was far more extreme than she had anticipated. He flinched violently, jerking away from her hand and spinning around to face her again, his eyes startled and wide with fear.

Stacy drew in a soft gasp of dismay at his reaction, and House quickly dropped his gaze, his face flushing with shame.

“Like I said,” he muttered, barely audible. “Got a patient. I’ll see you when you actually have something important to talk about.”

******************************

As it turned out, it wasn’t long at all before Stacy did have something important to discuss. With every moment they spent together, House grew more tense and withdrawn. The tension between the two of them was bad enough, not to mention the troubled, wary glances Wilson cast in their direction anytime he saw the two of them talking.

House had been quiet and distant with Wilson during the past couple of weeks, since the event that House consistently thought of simply as the incident. It was like a dark presence in whatever room in which they happened to be together – an uncomfortable subject that had to be dealt with, but which neither wanted to approach. In his silent solitude, one troubling realization echoed again and again in House’s mind, drowning out the memories of the incident itself.

Wilson hadn’t yet apologized.

House jumped slightly as he stepped out the door of Stacy’s office, and found himself suddenly face-to-face and inches away from his rather curious, insecure boyfriend. He quickly got control of his instinctive reaction of alarm, relaxing his shoulders and leaning back against the wall beside the door, meeting Wilson’s eyes with an awkward half-smile.

Wilson returned his smile with a nervous laugh at their accidental proximity, backing up a step or two and falling into pace with House as they headed down the hallway.

“So… how’s Stacy?”

House shrugged carelessly, his eyes focused on the floor in front of him. “Same as this morning. Hating my guts with every fiber of her being.”

Wilson grimaced, shaking his head in dismay as he opened the door to his office. “Well… it was a pretty crappy thing to do…”

“I know that.”

House didn’t mean to snap at Wilson, but somehow the words came out that way. He immediately glanced up at the other man uncertainly, biting his lower lip in anxiety. He wasn’t afraid of Wilson’s reacting in violence – not in a public setting like this – but he didn’t want to cause any more tension between them than was already there.

Standing in the doorway of his office, Wilson caught House’s gaze and nodded once toward the dimly lit room. His expression was solemn and troubled, and although House saw no anger there, he could not help but be a little apprehensive.

Things could happen in the privacy of Wilson’s office that would never happen in a public hallway.

“House… I think we need to talk.”

House hesitated for a moment before coming to a decision. He squared his shoulders, forcing himself to hold Wilson’s gaze as he replied softly.

“I think… you’re right. We do.”

House reluctantly followed Wilson into his office, closing the door quietly behind him. He tensed when Wilson immediately moved in close to him, pressing forward so that House’s back was to the door. His breath quickened with a claustrophobic feeling of fear, and his hands instinctively moved to cover Wilson’s on his waist. Hesitant and halting, his eyes finally made their way to Wilson’s again, trying to gauge his expression.

All he saw was sorrow and regret.

“House,” Wilson murmured, shaking his head slowly as he freed one hand and raised it to gently brush over the surface of a dark purple bruise on House’s cheek. “I’m so sorry.”

House couldn’t help flinching at the contact, his gaze averted again. He was quiet a moment before venturing to point out, “You… were sorry last time, too.”

Wilson’s hand froze on his cheek, and House tensed, instinctively preparing himself for a blow – but it didn’t come. Wilson’s eyes were solemn and intent, and when he spoke, his words came with slow, deliberate thoughtfulness.

“I… am sorry. I wish this hadn’t happened. But… House… you have to admit that… this wouldn’t have happened at all if you hadn’t lied to me…” Wilson began counting off his points on his fingers as he continued. “… sneaked around behind my back – and Stacy’s, for that matter – and stolen personal medical files – which is a felony, by the way.” Wilson paused a moment, studying House’s expression as he repeated, “You have to know that. Right?”

House weighed his words with caution, troubled by Wilson’s tone, and the direction in which this conversation seemed to be heading. “That’s… technically true… but…”

“I hate hurting you, House. I never want to hurt you again.” Wilson shifted in close to House again, his head lowered, as he raised a firm but gentle hand to rest at the back of House’s neck, tugging his head down so that their foreheads touched. His voice broke over the words as he continued in a hoarse, halting whisper.

“Sometimes… I almost hate… how much I love you. Because… when I’m… afraid of losing you… House… it makes me crazy. Sometimes I… I feel like I’m losing my mind. Do you… do you know what it feels like… to love someone… that much?”

House felt a thick lump of emotion constricting his throat, and blinked away the stinging moisture that rose to his eyes. He shook his head slowly, not trusting his voice to speak. He didn’t want to hurt Wilson, didn’t want to voice it aloud – but he wasn’t sure that such an intensity of love was really a good thing to feel.

That much love… that kind of love… is frightening… dangerous…

When Wilson slid his hand from the back of House’s neck to touch his cheek again, House didn’t flinch or pull away. Wilson’s hand guided House’s mouth toward his, his lips and tongue gently teasing at House’s mouth until it opened, granting him entrance. Although his kiss was tentative and slightly guarded, House returned the gesture, raising cautious hands to draw Wilson closer to him.

Wilson finally pulled back, meeting House’s gaze with tears shining in his eyes. There was a solemn promise in his voice when he spoke, his tone hushed and almost reverent.

“It will never… happen again.”

House held his gaze, nodding slowly in acknowledgment. He hesitated, drawing in a deep, shaky breath before softly correcting Wilson’s statement.

“It… can’t… happen again, Wilson. It can’t.”

Wilson shook his head, frowning. “It won’t. I promise, House…”

“No… you’re not getting it.” House sighed nervously, his gaze falling before he forced himself to meet Wilson’s eyes again. There was a rare honesty and vulnerability in his trembling words when he went on. “You… really hurt me, Wilson. Really hurt me. I’d be limping today even without the infarction.”

“I know,” Wilson whispered, a tear sliding down his cheek. “I know.”

“You really… scared me. You were so… so angry… I thought you could have… could have done anything that night, Wilson. You were so out of control…”

“I know… I know, I just… get so… so jealous… I can’t stand the thought of someone… taking you away from me…”

“Not every person I talk to wants to take me away from you, Wilson. I… I should be able to talk to people without you… freaking out on me,” House insisted, his frustration evident in his tone. His breath hitched as he stared down at his shoes, swallowing hard. He couldn’t meet Wilson’s eyes as he finished in a tentative whisper.

“If it… if it happens again… I-I’ll have to… I… can’t be with someone who…”

“No.”

House flinched at the intensity of Wilson’s tone, bracing himself – but Wilson didn’t strike out at him. He wrapped a firm hand around House’s jaw, gently tilting his head up, insisting that he meet his eyes.

“House…” Wilson shook his head. “No. I… I can’t lose you. I won’t.”

House’s mouth went dry, and his heart beat faster with fear, as he found himself unsure how to take Wilson’s words. His entire body was tense, prepared for an attack.

Stupid, shouldn’t have said that… took it too far and now he’s gonna…

“I promise you, House,” Wilson whispered, his voice trembling with pleading tears. “I promise… I won’t do anything to lose you. I won’t ever hurt you again, House… I swear it. Please… you have to believe me…”

House’s shoulders slumped with relief, and he nodded willingly, eager to accept Wilson’s promises and believe that he would keep them this time. He pulled Wilson closer, and Wilson responded by wrapping his arms tightly around House, guiding his head down onto his shoulder. Faced with the such gentle, loving comfort, after the abuse Wilson had dealt to him the other night, followed by days of emotional isolation – House found himself breaking down, his shaking hands clinging to Wilson as his tears finally fell, soaking through the fabric of Wilson’s shirt.

“Shhh,” Wilson murmured, though his own voice was hoarse and thick with tears. “It’s okay… it’s okay, House… everything’s gonna be fine… we’re gonna be just fine…”

*****************************

As House sat outside the room where the hearing was being held on the death of Chase’s recent patient, he found himself hoping that Wilson had meant what he said about trying to be less jealous about House’s interactions with others. It was awkward enough, sitting here with Stacy, knowing how angry she was with him at the moment, without having to worry about every single word, and whether or not it would make Wilson angry if it got back to him.

Stacy kept casting strange glances in his direction, and House let out a shaky breath, feeling self-conscious and uncertain. The only thing of which he was certain was that he was sorry to have damaged what had been becoming a rather pleasant friendship between him and his ex-lover.

If there was a way that he could fix it – he wanted to.

“Stacy… I’m sorry.”

Stacy blinked, startled by the words, so unfamiliar coming from House’s lips. She hesitated, frowning slightly, a bemused expression in her eyes as she studied his face.

“Okay…” she responded with dubious acceptance.

“Okay.”

House nodded and lowered his eyes, tapping his cane idly between his feet with one hand. He was startled to suddenly feel the warm pressure of Stacy’s hand on his other hand, and looked down at their joined hands between them, then up into Stacy’s eyes with a wide, questioning gaze.

“O… kay?” he hesitantly repeated, waiting for her explanation.

Stacy gave him a warm smile, rolling her eyes in the direction of her hand on his before rushing to reassure him. “I’m not making a move on you, Greg. I just… I accept your apology. Maybe I’m crazy to, because God knows I don’t think you’re ever going to change, but… but I do accept it.”

House studied her expression for a moment before nodding once, looking down again.

“Thanks,” he said softly.

“I probably shouldn’t tell you this.” Stacy sighed. “But… I don’t think it really matters what you do, Greg. I… I was enjoying… becoming friends with you. And… I still want to be friends with you. So… we’ll forget about the file thing, if you’ll just… humor me and let me believe for a few minutes that you might not do anything like it again.”

House laughed with her, nodding slowly, a rare, warm smile gracing his lips.

“Okay. Deal.”

“Deal.”

Stacy smiled and raised his hand in hers, moving it up and down in an exaggerated handshake before releasing it.

Neither of them said anything else for a long time, but the silence had shifted to something much more comfortable and light. House didn’t think he’d be sharing anything personal with Stacy anytime soon. Things between him and Wilson were getting better – not that he would have told Stacy about that, anyway – so there was no need to think about it for the moment. Still, House was grateful to know that he had a friend in his corner if he needed her.

But I won’t. Everything’s going to be fine. Wilson knows where I stand… knows I’ll leave him if he tries anything like that again… so we’re going to be just fine…

TBC...

Comments

[bertie-tiger.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad House stood up to Wilson, but I don't think Wilson is gonna take any notice to be honest.

I hope he does though, and I'm also glad that House has got Stacy =D

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

wilson will take notice at least for a little while... he's going to be trying to make sure house doesn't leave him... thanx, love, glad you liked this chapter... the next one's up now, hope you enjoy it :)

[bonomania.livejournal.com]

Perfect chapter. I love House's vulnerability and how he's trying to convince himself that he believes Wilson won't do it again. That scene in Wilson's office was strangely upsetting - but then I'm a sucker for men crying LOL.
Great stuff. x

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

yeah, i am too actually :) hehe... thanx, glad you liked house's vulnerability in this... he really loves wilson and doesn't want to think that he'd hurt him... but this can only end badly :( *hugs* the next chapter is up now :)

[carlyjacks.livejournal.com]

Good for you House. So glad he stood up to Wilson. I just hope he'll be able to follow through and leave Wilson if it happens again which we know it will as it always does in these situations. So glad House has Stacy in his corner. Maybe he'll open up to her since 'Failure to communicate is coming up. If he's away from Wilson and his influence maybe he'll tell Stacy whats going on.

Great update.

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

yeah, a little distance from wilson will be good for house... but wilson is not going to let him go without a fight :-S thanx, love, glad you enjoyed this chapter :) the next one's up now :)

[madwriter223.livejournal.com]

As sad as it is, I need to say it: yeah, right.
Bravo for House finally standing up to Wilson!! True, he was hesitant, uncertain and already blamed himself, but it's a very big step forward. Not that it won't be followed by two or three steps back, though. I have a feeling Wilson is planning something bad. Very very bad.
On Wilson's note, big kudos for his 'regretfulness'. If I didn't know what he's like in this, I'd've believed him. Great actor, that one. With more than a few screws loose too. -_-'

As for the Steve McQuin issue, sorry. I must've missed that part, cause I honestly don't remember reading about him in this series.

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

it was just in passing, love, so i can see how you might have missed it... i mentioned house going to stacy's house because she was out, just like in canon, and in exposition with no dialogue, described how they were interrupted by the appearance of a rat in her kitchen, and house noticed a symptom before he could harm it, and carried it home in a tupperware dish with holes :P hehehe

i couldn't have him find the rat the same way as canon, because in this verse, there's no way he'd be actively seeking out stacy like he was in canon :P

[madwriter223.livejournal.com]

Well, that's true. And I went back, and found the fragment. Sorry for panicing on you. ^_^'

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

no problem, love... and i appreciate your kind words... wilson is definitely a master manipulator here... :( and house is gettin sucked in... glad you liked this chapter, hon, the next one's up now :) *hugs*

[chaoskir.livejournal.com]

Oh House, take your legs in your hands and run (German flying word). Run as far away as you can! Wilson is mad!

Thanks a lot for the new chapter. I enjoyed reading it and yeah sure, I will like the next one too *smile*.

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

yeah, house would do well to run but it's going to be very difficult for him to do that considering how he feels for wilson at this point... thanx, love, glad you liked this chapter :) *hugs* the next one's up now

[moz17.livejournal.com]

So good. That scene between House and Wilson was so upsetting- thank God House did what he did. I can only hope for his sake Wilson will take notice. *worries*

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

thanx, love, i'm so glad you liked this chapter... house made a good choice here, but the next one might not be so wise :-S thanx, love, the next chapter's up now :)

[lorib12.livejournal.com]

wonderful update, I have a feeling that someone is going to break their promise. Please update very soon. thanks!!

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

thanx so much, love, glad you liked this chapter :) and you may have very good instincts there :-S the next chapter is up now, hope you like it :)

[caged-obsession.livejournal.com]

Interesting development. I am a bit surprised House stood up to Wilson, even if he was terrified. I'd be scared to be in the room alone with him. I don't believe for a moment that Wilson is going to restrain himself for good, though it may be for a while.

I'm glad that House has Stacy to back him should he be willing to get help. You've done a great job of giving us a believable apology scene. House could still be convinced by Wilson's tears, at this stage and think that the few 'incidents' were accidents. I was really upset for House when he broke down and cried in Wilson's arms. It shows he is so torn over his relationship. Loved it.

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

yeah, house is still trying to be strong... to be himself here... he's trying to stand up for himself, but saying he'll leave and actually leaving are two very different things...

stacy's support for him will be helpful... but we'll see how far it can go...

thanx, love, so glad you liked this chapter :) the next one's up now :) *hugs*